Don't go looking for pain

I try to live my life according to the principle of pleasure. It’s difficult because my mind, just as most of ours, has something called the negativity bias. This means it looks for problems and threats, just because that used to be the reason humans would survive in the wild.

We don’t live in the wild anymore and most threats are made up in our minds, although our mind is not smart enough to realize when the threat is made up and when there’s an actual tiger in front of us. So we need to practice. Looking for pleasure instead of looking for pain.

No matter how many problems you have and what you’re struggling with right now, you are not obliged to constantly think about your pain points. It’s not responsible. Responsible is setting aside time for taking appropriate action towards solving your problem, feeling your feelings around the issue, asking for help, but just as much letting it go, staying with the present, giving it space and taking pleasure in life.

You know when you wake up in the morning and you actually feel fine but your mind goes on a hunt for the problem at hand. As if it’s the job of the mind to never lose track of it. Catch it before it finds it. Take charge by filling your mind with the beauty in your life, the moments of bliss, all the things you have to be grateful for. Pain will unfortunately find you, you don’t have to go looking for it.

With all my love,

Helena

Accept judgement and criticism

Most people don’t really enjoy judgement or criticism. A lot of us are people pleasers that only want others to like us. Which, we also know, is practically impossible. But still we try, to fix, to adjust, to please. All because we don’t want the judgement or criticism.

But what if we could just accept that judgement and criticism is part of life? That it will happen to us whether we fight our whole lives to avoid it or we simply live our lives regardless of what other people might think?

It’s usually the resistance to whatever scares us that ends up hurting us more. Because what we resists persists. Which means, acceptance gives us freedom. Acceptance increases the possibility of the icky feeling moving through faster, and not lingering too long. Also, if we could accept judgement and criticism as part of life endless possibilities open up, we can do whatever we want!

Also, what other people think of you is none of your business, it’s their business. And it usually tells you a lot more about them, and how they’re suffering, than it tells you anything new about you.

Don’t be afraid of people not liking you. Some people just don’t. And they won’t. That’s okay. Focus on the ones that do love you, they deserve all of your attention.

With all of my love,

Helena

What does support look like right now?

I heard one of my favorite mentors, Brene Brown, suggest this question on Marie Forleos podcast the other day.

People (read: me and you) are generally not very good at asking for help. In especially difficult times in our lives it’s also pressure added to come up with, ask for and delegate what we need help with to others. This question is so good to ask because it: 1) states that we are willing to give support 2) we take away the burden of saying yes to help.

Whenever this question is posed it gives an opportunity for the person being asked to go inward and check what is needed right now. It could be whatever; a hug, some space, help with buying food, permission to went, togetherness in silence, some advice, a lift somewhere…

Try it. Next time someone in your life is going through something hard, try simply asking: What does support look like right now? and for the extra ballsy, try asking yourself the same when you’re low. How could you support yourself in this instance?

With all my love,

Helena

Do it now or later

Some say that all negative energy is around because it’s looking for a resolution. Nothing ever really goes away. Although it can transform. You can deal with it now or later, that’s completely up to you. But know that you can’t hide from your truth. It will stay with you and serve you really well if you face what needs to be faced. That’s all for now.

 With all my love,  Helena

With all my love,

Helena

Detachment at it's core

Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.

- Bhagvad Gita

Fall is always a period of de-cluttering for me. Cleaning my space to leave space for new things to come in. And by things I don’t mean material things, but rather new people, experiences and opportunities. I love cleaning out my home. Letting go of anything that no longer brings me joy.

I’m not sure this materialistic society we’ve created is benefiting us humans. It’s never ever the things that makes us happy. Although, many people today life as it would. Sacrificing hours and days and years to the chase of getting that thing, earning enough money, becoming the right person, getting that thing. Only to realize that contentment was not to be found there. Some stop chasing at that, some continue for the rest of their lives, thinking that that next thing is what will be the fix. The fix of a broken heart, of lack of self-love, of a disconnected soul.

That’s why I love this quote from Bhagvad Gita. Have all the things in the world if you want but make sure they don’t have you.

 With all my love,  Helena

With all my love,

Helena

The stranger in you

Every new seasons in our life presents us with new perspectives, paths and lessons. It requires us to be childlike, to see things with a beginner’s mind. In a way we’re strangers to ourselves. Our reactions might be new, just as our emotions and thoughts. As we grow we’re getting to know ourselves better, learning more about all the aspects of who we are.

This is not always comfortable. Because we like what’s familiar. That’s why we sometimes create subgroups of humanity of us and them, the others. Because what’s unfamiliar is a stranger to us.

What if we could realize the parallell between the stranger in ourselves and the stranger in others? Maybe we could embrace more of what’s different from us. Be childlike when we encounter the “strange”, use the beginner’s mind.

We’re never truly finished, and we will continue to learn and get to know more aspects of both ourselves, others and life for as long as we live. What if we could always remember this. And just as much, recollect all the things in our life that was once strange and unfamiliar that is now well known and safe. Either everyone is a stranger or no one truly is.

 With all my love,  Helena

With all my love,

Helena

Hustle is not my thing

We live in a world where hustling and grinding is considered the norm if you want to be successful. I really don't buy it. It's not true for me at least. I've never experienced great success in my life by hustling and grinding. Sure, I've had my periods of 60-80 hour weeks and it landed me a prestigious career. I had the great pay, the car and the awesome benefits. But I had no freedom. And success without freedom is not success to me. 

It's less about the hours and more about the posture of the heart. - Rob Bell 

It's the actions I take in alignment that have the greatest impact on my business. I've spent countless hours in my first years of business doing what I thought I should. It has resulted in nothing. 

I'm absolutely willing to work hard for what I want, but I'm more interested in working smart. I do what I love and I love what I do. I know I'm deserving of this. This is my success story. 

What does success mean to you? 

 

 With all my love, Helena

With all my love, Helena

People act on the outside what they feel on the inside

No one feels good being mean. No one comes to this earth with a mission to hurt other people. Only hurt people hurt people. 

This goes for you too. When you notice you're getting off at other people, playing the blame game of going into victim mode. Take a look inside. What's going on? What needs to be felt, or mended, or dealt with? 

The outer world is only a reflection of our inner world. That's why nothing changes until we change and everything changes when we do. It's up to each and everyone of us to look inside for the answers first. To take responsibility for our actions. Being able to respond. 

I believe everything gets better with love. It's my absolute experience and even though I haven't always followed my own advice in the past, I'll try my best to do so in the future. 

Next time someone is mean or rude to you, try to understand what's going on inside of them. It's not your responsibility to fix whatever is going on but maybe you could support them somehow to make both of your lives better? 

Next time you notice yourself being mean or rude to someone else or even to you, try to understand what's going on inside of you. It is your responsibility to fix whatever is going on and you can support yourself to make your life better. And the people around you will benefit from it too. 

 

 With all my love, Helena 

With all my love, Helena