Responsible or neurotic? A balancing act.

Growing up with some health challenges I learned early on to listen to my body’s signals and reporting them back to my doctors. When I, later on, took my health into my own hands, becoming the CEO of my own life and healing, this became even more important as I needed to learn about and investigate a lot on my own. I’ve kept a health journal for years and I’ve recommended a lot of people, with health challenges of their own, to do the same.

I do believe it’s true, our body signals imbalances to us, through what we call symtoms. Shutting off these signals, without examining their root cause, is an unwise thing to do. And by writing them down it’s easier to start to see patterns and find triggers.

These headaches seem to come after I’ve been hanging out with these kinds of people/ energies.

These rashes show up after I’ve eaten this type of food.

My stomach crashes after a period of stress at work.

These are great connections to make because then you can start making tweaks in your lifestyle and see what shifts. Being responsible for your own health and caring for your body and mind.

But I’ve found, over the years, that there’s a balancing act to be had here. It’s not all good being hyper aware of your own body. Because it easily triggers the fear based mind. Or, at least it does so for me. By keeping track of my body signals (also known as symptoms), I’ve primed my mind to notice everything. Things that might pass others by. A spot on my leg. A slight pain in my lower back. A rash on my side. And I see this in a lot of the health focused people around me too. It can easily turn into a bit of an obsession. The objective and responsible observer becoming a neurotic and triggered worrier.

A couple of months back, as my mind was worrying about some signal my body was showing, I was walking in the forest, my mind looping and looking for a plan or an answer, when my intuition interrupted: Darling, what you’re looking for is relief. And it’s right here if choose it.

It became clear, in that moment, that I didn’t need to know, I just needed to let go to find the relief I thought was only available on the other side of this, perceived, problem.

It’s not that all my health worries magically disappeared as I got this wisdom from my intuition, but something started to click for my mind. And I realized that my mind had taken a too big a responsibility that was way over it’s pay grade, out of its control or ability. My mind is far from as wise as my body is. So it won't always know.

As I was reading through old journals over the holiday I realized that 99% of all the signals (symtoms) that my mind have kept track of (and worried about) over the years, my body have magically resolved. I never did figure out what it was, although my mind sure did try, but one day, the symtom was gone. Because my body is amazing. And it wants to be well. And the more I can refocus my energy into trusting and taking really good care of this amazing body of mine, the better my self-healing will work.

So 2022, here’s to trusting my body. Things may show up but I will trust you. And my intuition will guide me to what I actually do need to get checked up or keep close track on.

There’s so many reasons for temporary unbalances in the body; stress, emotional triggers, lack of sleep, toxins in the air or food, exposure to mold, tension, unsaid words, unreleased anger… It’s not the job of my mind to always know what is what. The job of the mind is to focus on taking care of the body the best I can and my body will support my life and whatever I want to do with it.

Curious to know how this resonates with you, can you relate to becoming neurotic in your aim to be responsible?

What would your life be without excuses?

I don’t have the time… I just have to… My family needs me… It feels too scary… I don’t know where to start… I’m not worth it… I can’t… I just have to do this first… It’s too expensive… It’s too late for me… I have to ask for permission first… It’s not the right conditions… What if I make a fool out of myself…

Excuses, excuses. We all use them, to varying degrees and with varied creativity. They are the blocks we’re creating to what we really need to do. But with the excuses, it feels like it is beyond our control, whether it gets done or not. And that feels nice nice because then I can avoid it, the excuse protects me. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you completely skipped the excuses?

We prefer known hells over unknown heavens

As humans we’re creatures of habit. We like when things are the way we’re used to. Sometimes pain is so well known to us that leaving it behind feels really scary. We prefer the known, even when the known is really painful.

That’s why we stay in relationships that hurt us for too long. That’s why we go to a job that drains us year in and year out. That’s why we never dare to ask for what we want but stay silently put in our place. Because we don’t know, we can’t be sure the unknown is heaven. And it might not be. But it also might.

Heaven is a place on earth. So is hell. Where are choosing to be today?

It might be controversial to say that staying in hell is a choice but sometimes I think it is. Sometimes it’s not.

“But what if I fall? Oh, darling, but what if you fly?”.

I heard someone explain their life as being a freight train they where unable to stop. Without realizing they are the ones who keeps putting in the coal. I’m not saying it’s easy to stop a freight train, but it is possible. And the choice you make today will determine whether you are slowing it down or not.

You have a choice. You are choosing right now. You are reading this for a reason. What do you need to choose next? Do you dare to go into the unknown?

If you liked this post you might also enjoy my love letters that lands in your inbox whenever I have something of value to share (sign up here). I’d love to have you!

With all my love,

Helena

Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's not insane

This concept might be a bit out there to a conventional mind. But I’ve been studying Eckhart Tolle’s teachings a lot lately and are really deep in these teachings. I wanna remember them as the tempo of everyday life gets back into our consciousness.

There’s so many things that we do and consider “normal” that really are quite insane.

We set up an arbitrary deadline at work and get sick over meeting it.

We fill our lives up with so many things, some important, some meaningless to us and some just because we have always done them, and then we act as if we don’t have a choice.

We read the news about all the horrible things happening in the world and fill our minds with terror but stay in inaction, not doing what we can to help.

We care so much about what other people will think of us (without ever really knowing what the do think, if at all) but have no idea what we think ourselves.

We eat meat from slaughter houses for breakfast, lunch and dinner but buy beautiful necklaces for our dogs and go out of our way to make them as happy as possible.

We treat our bodies like crap and then check into a hospital when we get sick and get pills that cover the signals of our screaming body and not deal with the imbalance that is the root problem.

We run around all day doing things and staying busy and claim we don’t have time to sit down and meditate for ten minutes.

We follow leaders blindly that have a strong and convincing voice without ever really listening to our own inner guidance system.

I could probably go on and on but I won’t. I think you get what I’m trying to say.

Maybe you now think, well, I don’t have a choice, this is what we do, it’s normal human behavior. And, yes, I agree, it is normal. And that’s the point. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s not insane.

I’m not asking you to change everything and go weary from questioning everything that you ever do. But I am asking you to think for yourself. To sometimes not think at all. And to remember, that we humans, are a particular species that do a lot of strange things. But I do believe that more and more of us are waking up. And with hightenend consciousness comes wiser choices and a new paradigm for human kind. Are you with me?

With all my love,

Helena

Can we love unconditionally?

I’m not so sure.

But love is unconditional.

Humans are not.

Love is always available for you.

It’s an energy. Ever shifting. Always constant.

Humans change. And need. Have egos. Need reasoning.

I love you. Your soul. I might not love your human tomorrow.

Love is always here. Receive it.

Forms can shift and they will. Allow it.

You are here and as long as you are there is love for you.

That’s what you are. Love.

Love is unconditional. You are not.

With all my love, today,

Helena

The concept of time

Everyone is talking about the lack of time. I’m not completely sure that everyone that talks about it actually are experiencing the lack though. There’s some sort of correlation between you being important and you having a lack of time. And so, I think more people talk about their lack of time than actually having it.

Which might actually give you a real feeling of lack of time because what you keep thinking will eventually become a belief and so if you constantly repeat to yourself that you don’t have time you will soon start to believe it.

And yet, linear time is a concept we’ve just invented and then started treating as law. But time is not time is not time. We’ve all experienced an hour passing by in a second and the same amount of time feeling like a lifetime. Time flies when you’re having fun is a popular saying. It’s my experience that time slows down the more present I am. And you probably get more things done when doing them in presence than when you’re shattered.

About a year ago I labeled my four “times” related to my worklife; sprint, shattered, creative flow and free. Sprint is when I fully focused finish a task in a short amount of time, like a pomodoro. Shattered is when I do a little bit of this and little bit of that, checking social media, chatting to a friend, getting coffee, checking emails… I’m really good at both sprints and shattered time.

What I’m missing is creative flow, when I cancel all distractions and give myself all the right circumstances to go deep on a specific task. I’m also not very good at totally free time as I’m a passionate entrepreneur always being “on” somehow everyday. I’m working on creating more creative flow and free time for myself alongside my sprints and shattered time.

My experience of the different qualities are very different. As is time spent in an intellectual space very different from time spend in my body. Time is not a fixed concept. Not an absolute. It varies. And so, there’s no lack of time, there’s just time. And it’s what we make of it that matters. We have a choice in every moment.

Where are you spending your time? Are you present as it passes?

With all my love,

Helena

Thoughts on shame

Shame makes us isolate when the only antidote is to put our shame in the light. When we do it tends to dissolve or at least lighten.

Shame makes us feel as if we are wrong when guilts makes us feel as if we’ve done something wrong. Huge difference, you are never wrong even though you might have done something that needs mending.

Shame is one of the most uncomfortable feelings there is and so we try to avoid it at all cost. Suppressing shame will eat us up from the inside instead of letting it surface and move through us.

Shaming others is like passing on the hot potato of pain instead of sitting with our own pain. Shaming others is never the answer.

Don’t isolate because your shame tells you you’re a burden. You are not a burden.

Don’t mistake guilt for shame. You are not wrong.

Don’t avoid shame. You will never die from a feeling.

Don’t shame others. Feel your own pain and be gentler with yourself and the world.

Do share.

Do apologize for what you might have done wrong.

Do feel your feelings.

Do love.

With all my love,
Helena

When short time protection creates long time harm

We wanna protect the people we have around us, I get it, especially the children. But what if a cotton-candy-wrapped life is the worst gift to give someone?

How could you possibly learn about your own resilience without being exposed to situations when you need it? How can you know how strong you are if you never need to be strong?

I think we might be protecting kids a bit too much today. With two consequences; they don’t learn to develop the resilience that will undoubtedly be needed later in life and we we give them a frame of reference of what life could look like (in the cotton-candy-world) that will most likely never be matched in their adult life and so they might always be disappointed with how difficult life with responsibilities can be.

But I think we sometimes do that with each other as well. Someone comes to us with a problem, worry or pain and we “cotton-candy” all over it. Pretending as if life might not be quite difficult for a while. Because life is sometimes, for all of us. That’s okay.

What if the better thing to say is simply, yes, it might be difficult for a bit but I’ll be here with you. Yes, you can’t control everything so you might as well be with what is right now and trust that you’ll be able to deal with whatever if it happens later. Yes, this is hard but you are strong and you’ve survived so far.

All is well and all will be well. But still, it’s freaking hard being human sometimes. it’s part of our evolution. But we can handle it, we are strong. But to know our strength we need to flex our muscles from time to time.

Don’t only protect the people you love, stand with them in the storm and show them how capable they truly are.

With all my love,

Helena