Listen to the body

You are not a body, you have a body. It carries wisdom and wants to communicate with you all the time. Are you listening?

It is a balancing act, being close to the body, taking care of it and listening to its signals, without over-identifying with it. I think it’s important to distinguish between being ill and having an unbalance in the body or believing that just because your body has challenges right now, there is something wrong with you. The body is our tool to experience, express and create in this world. Thus, of course, extremely important. But you are not your body, you are the one who expresses yourself through your body. The one who observes your body.

And since the body is our vessel and our home here on earth, we need to get to know it and listen to what it is trying to communicate to us. What is your body trying to tell you?

In this context, I think it’s important to remember that, just as you are not your body, so are you not your thoughts. You have them. And we don’t always need the help of the mind to listen to the body. There is a wisdom, we can call that intuition, beyond the mind and body, who you are. If you listened to the body from that place, what information would you get then?

Because the body is also an animal, like so many other animals, it can sometimes react instinctively. It’s frightened by a sudden sound or creates and reacts to the hormones that move in your system. It signals hunger, need for sleep or going to the bathroom. It’s your primitive body and its needs are vital for you to be able to be here on earth.

But the body also signals through emotions. For a long time, I was so identified with my emotions that I thought they lived in my head and that I could think or talk my way through them. But emotions are energy. The energy is built up by thoughts, experiences or other triggers and wants to move through your system. Like a wave that comes and washes over and then flows away. If the built-up energy is blocked, out of fear, resistance or because it’s simply inappropriate to express it in the moment, it gets stuck. An emotional knot that over time creates tension and blockages in the body. Sooner or later, it will either explode or create major imbalances in the system (which can sometimes manifest as disease).

I was recently in such a place, when too many emotions, energies, have been fought against for too long. I felt it through a pressure over my chest that came and went. Crowded throat. A general feeling of heaviness. And above all, an overactive mind, which struggled to create control over things it could not control. Like the meaning of my life, or what will happen in the future.

I was helped, by life, to get to a place and a context where I could no longer resist and where it was safe to let go of the pressure. I simply laid down and let the emotional waves wash over and through me. Without thoughts, without stories, without an understanding of which one was which and where they all came from. Without resistance, intuition can guide the body to let go, to healing at all levels. And afterwards, many waves later, everything feels different. Inexplicable and completely obvious.

As children, it’s only natural for us to listen to and express the body’s needs, including all the emotions that need to move through. This is not something we need to learn; we just need to remember what we knew and practiced as children. Peel off the layers we put on to protect, to fit in, to live the way we think we should live. But underneath, all the programming that no longer serves you, there is a wisdom as obvious as the breath. Are you listening?

What wants to happen in your life?

I write a lot about self-leadership and the importance of knowing what we want so that we can take responsibility for making the small choices every day that take us closer to the life we ​​want to live. To sit in the driver’s seat for our own lives. It’s important. And, there’s also a paradox here. Sometimes we also need to let go and let ourselves be led by life. What wants to happen in your life? I want to share some perspectives on how we can find out, in the hope of inspiring you to start communicating with your own life, with a focus on listening.

Every Monday morning I check in with a friend where we facilitate each other to get in touch with our intuition. We start by landing in the moment, grounding in the body and letting out our breath. We listen into the body, to the place where we have previously had contact with our intuition and often start with the open question: Intuition, what do I need to know right now? Sometimes images, colors, emotions or words come. Sometimes it’s calm and quiet. What comes is less important than that I actually open up and listen, respecting that there’s more guidance to get than my fearful mind wants to admit.

I recently listened to an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert in Glennon Doyle’s amazing podcast We Can Do Hard Things. She told about a daily practice she has where she writes daily letters to life to get guidance in her life. She called it god, but I think it’s less important what name we give it. Maybe you want to call it love? The original question is always: What do I need to know today?

I recently attended a Transformational Presence in Leadership & Coaching program, created by Alan Seale. Transformational Presence is largely about being present and listening enough to not only survive but also thrive. Some of the main questions we keep coming back to are: What wants to happen now? Who do I need to be for that to happen? What do I need to do to make it happen? If you were to ask those questions to your life, what answers would you get?

What if you didn’t have to think of everything all the time? What if life wants something with you? What if there was a flow in your life, a flow that you could choose to follow? What would be possible then? If you were to stop fighting and instead listen in and follow flow?

This is where the paradox comes in. For me, following flow is not about becoming passive and being pushed here and there in life’s roller coaster. Nor is it about becoming a victim of your circumstances and not taking responsibility for what you need to take responsibility for. It’s not an excuse to not live, it’s an opportunity to actually live, really live, on your own terms. If you were to listen in more than you were listening out, what would life tell you?

Maybe you have a dream that longs to be fulfilled? Maybe you need to slow down to actually be able to hear what life wants with you? Maybe a truth lives in there that you avoid facing for fear of having to change things in your life? What would happen if you dared to face that truth and at the same time asked for help in taking the steps you need, at the pace you are able to make that change?

Life is kind. Your intuition would never guide you to doing something you’re not capable of doing. It doesn’t release more emotions than you can handle, right now. Love holds you. Do you dare to trust it?

Of course, I can’t guarantee that any of this is true. But I experience, very strongly, that my life becomes easier, grounded and more fun, the more I listen to what it wants with me. But none of us will know for sure for as long as we’re here. So, I repeat the important question I received from a friend the other day: The worldview you have chosen, does it serve you right now? If the answer is no, what would happen if you tried another worldview for a while? You can always go back whenever you want. But if it were the case that life wanted something with you, what would be possible for you then?

If you are curious to get in deeper contact with your own intuition, I offer both meetings with your intuition and intuitive coaching.

Spring cleaning on all levels

Most people have a pretty good idea of ​​what’s really important in life. For many, it’s the relationships or perhaps a meaningful everyday life. For almost no one, it’s that gadget or item of clothing, to have full control of everything that happens in the world, that extra hundred bucks in salary or a life that looks perfect from the outside. Spring is an excellent opportunity for cleansing, so today I want to encourage just that. A spring cleaning at all levels to simplify life, to let go.

Over time, a complicated life becomes heavy to bear. Many things to take care of, repair and store do nothing for our quality of life if they’re not actually used, enjoyed or helpful in everyday life. How many things do you carry (physically and mentally) that you no longer need?

That top that you wish you enjoyed wearing but never use – maybe it’s time for someone else to enjoy it instead? Those things you save in the attic for “just in case” even if you know that “just in case” hasn’t happened in the last five years – maybe it’s time to let go?

Many acquaintances without real depth rarely give that feeling of belonging that we all long for. That old friend you meet because you “should” even though you know that you both feel completely exhausted after a few hours together. Maybe it’s time to let go?

How many news media, magazines, social media accounts and newsletters are allowing to land in your consciousness every day? Which ones actually give you meaning, information, inspiration or joy? Maybe it’s time to let go?

What old thought patterns do you carry that no longer serve you? That story you repeat in your head about that old injustice and how that person still doesn’t take responsibility for what they have done. Or maybe that dream of what could have been but never happened. Or the idea that you are not good enough as you are, right now, today. Maybe it’s time to let go?

That behavior pattern, how you always react in the same way with the same trigger and how the result is always what you don’t want. The children’s unwillingness to put the dish in the dishwasher, your reaction and the conflict that follows. Or the routine of always eating a little late so you get a stomach ache and difficulty sleeping. How you always start a little too late so you need to stress to be on time. Or maybe keep quiet when you actually have something important to say and then feel bitter that it didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Maybe it’s time to let go?

A constant performance at work to be liked, possibly get that managerial job or the pursuit of the feeling of control over the situation that never really occurs. Many hours of overtime and lost relationships or no time for yourself. For what? Where are you going? Maybe it’s time to let go?

What gets space in your life that you no longer need? What do you put your energy into that actually reason with what you think is important? Open the windows and doors, release stagnant energy and let in the new. Create space for new perspectives, acquaintances, ideas, dreams or maybe just space. What would be possible if you let go?

My invitation is actually not primarily to let go to invite new but to let go to rest in the space that arises. And from there ask the important question; What wants to happen now? What if your life wants something with you? What if there is a flow, downstream, for your life (as opposed to fighting upstream)? If you create space for more energy to flow in, then what wants to happen?

We heal together

We live in a rather individualistic society, where we think we have to fend for ourselves and where “stronger alone” seems to be a prevailing paradigm. And I know it for myself, who talks a lot about self-leadership, that I sometimes end up there, in the belief that I can do it all myself. But we need community and social contacts to heal, to find solutions to complex problems and to feel well, together.

Absolutely, we are responsible for ourselves first and foremost, our thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. And self-leadership is more important now than ever. We can no longer blame anyone else or stay in the victim mentality because that’s not where we find the strength that we need to be well in this world. But we also need to come together to find new solutions to old problems. To realize that we are not alone in what we are struggling with. Because we feel less helpless when we help each other.

Katarina Blom writes in the book Tillsammans-effekten that relationships actually affect our physical health more than both smoking, exercise and alcohol. That it is the relationships that most strongly affect both how satisfied we feel with life and our health, but also how long we live healthy lives. Perhaps you have also heard the expression that “we can’t heal where there’s fear” and here I think that relationships play a big role. We need to feel part of a community, a context to feel and safe and secure.

I believe that one of our most basic needs is to feel seen, heard and valued. Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do I matter? I’m not only talking about the deepest and longest lasting relationships, so-called thick bonds, but also the more superficial and short relationships, the thin bonds. That I step into the café and receive a friendly welcome. That I help the neighbor to hold up the door. That both I and the customer service employee confirm each other. I see you. I hear you. You matter. 

I often meet people who feel lonely. Who don’t feel that they have close relationships or someone who understands them. I think this is an issue we should take seriously. Not because we need to panic that we no longer connect with our youth friends, but because it’s so much worth actually feeling connected, deeply connecting with another human. And I notice in my own life that, even though a long history in relationships is wonderful to have, it becomes less important to me as the years pass. That it’s the connection that I’m looking for. Here and now. Is there energy in this relationship? Are you letting me in? Am I letting you in? And many of the most valuable encounters I can have in a week are with people I have never met before. In a sharing circle on Zoom, in a first introductory coffee or simply in eye contact on the street with someone I don’t know at all.

What would happen if we lowered the bar for what it takes to get close, but at the same time raised the expectation of actually doing so? What is required then?

Probably vulnerability. Probably authenticity. And presence. And here, of course, comes the all-important self-compassion. Because we take risks when we show vulnerability, when we share what is real, when we show up with our whole being. It may be that the other person doesn’t have the capacity to meet us there. And that’s okay. Because we know that it’s very rarely about us and more often about their own insecurity, their own wounds. And if, contrary to expectation, it happens, we can keep ourselves in what feels difficult. Not necessarily to conclude that it’s not worth opening up, but rather to conclude that this very person, at this very moment, didn’t have the ability to meet me there. Then we continue to reach out, over and over again, because we know that relationships are worth it, and that we heal together.

Why your well-being is more important now than ever

In many ways, the world is dark right now. In other ways, there’s so much light. Probably just as it’s always been, but right now we are paying extra attention to the suffering that is going on in our vicinity and it takes a lot of our energy. It’s easy to get caught up in anxious thoughts, pity and an almost paralyzing need to keep track of the situation and the latest developments. But none of this helps your fellow human beings who are suffering. I want to share three perspectives on why your well-being is more important now than ever.

First of all, it’s perfectly okay to feel bad about what is happening in the world right now. And very natural. But there is a difference between suffering for someone (pity) and feeling for someone (compassion), the need for control and focusing on what we can influence and on pausing one’s own life because of guilt over how well you are doing and living your best life, precisely because you can.

When you’re in an emotional storm, allow it to pass through. Cry, scream, hit on a pillow, pour your words out on paper or to a friend, meditate through the feeling or dance it out. But then, when you have given it the time it needs (usually just a few minutes) you return to your own life, focusing on your own well-being, because it’s more important than ever.

There is a big difference between suffering with someone else and feeling with someone else. Knowing that you are suffering with me does not make my suffering easier, knowing that you feel with me can help. But you getting stuck in the horror movie that is going on in your own head and constantly filling it with new stories does not help anyone, least of all yourself. Your well-being is important now.

When you feel good, you have more energy to help others

Some people perceive the focus on self-leadership, self-compassion and self-love as selfish. My experience is that it’s just the opposite. The better I lead, feel for and love myself, the more energy I have to be there for others. Our true nature is love, and when we take care of ourselves, inside and out, we automatically become an embodiment of that love. And sometimes, of course, we need to take care of ourselves only, to eventually find our way back to our energy, to be able to pour in onto others too. That’s okay, we help each other and we can take turns.

Your gratitude for what you have is a gift

The most respectful thing towards those who do not have what you have is to actually pay attention to and appreciate what you have and not take it for granted. Feeling guilty that you are doing so well and others are not, does not help those who lack what you have today. Enjoy all the abundance in your life, enjoy it every day. And share what you can, out of love for the other, not out of guilt.

Living your life authentically leads you to your role in the whole

When you are true to who you are and follow your guidance on what you are here to do, you automatically become part of the solution. I believe we all have a role to play in this life. We are all needed to create the new world we want to see. And your role is unique. You’ve  come here with longings, with talents, with gifts and have unique experiences from your life that make you who you are today. The more true you can be with who you are and the truer you can live your life, the better for everyone. If we were all to find our way back to the piece of the puzzle we are in the whole, the world would look very different. Your truth is service to the world.

Some feel called to go to the border and help on the spot, some focus on donating money, receiving refugees in their homes or getting politically active. Others need to look at the other challenges that still exist in our vicinity or around the world and focus on them. Still others need to take care of themselves and their loved ones only. Someone else is working on something now that will help us all in the long run. Living a life of service is not just about the immediate crisis and panicking about it. It’s about living a true life, where service is a natural part, always. For the best cure for helplessness is to help, but not from an empty cup of guilt and shame, but from an overflowing one of love and compassion. You know what role you have in this, if you give yourself time and space to listen inwardly. Because it is always inside and out, not the other way around.

We need to remember that this is an issue that we cannot solve ourselves, so we need to limit ourselves to how much energy and time we spend on it. There is a time to feel, there is a time to help, but other times we need to live our lives and feel good. For your well-being is now more important than ever.

Some comfort in uncertain times

I know these are uncertain times, triggering a lot of uncomfortable emotions in many of us. Fear, anger, worry, sadness or maybe numbness. Not sure numbness is labeled a feeling but I sure know how it feels to feel numb. I find myself struggling for words because my mind is scared of saying the wrong things. But I don't think these are the times to stay silent, as long as you speak from an intention of love (and not fear). Because what we're facing collectively in the world right now is an expression of fear. And the answer is love. It's not passive at all, it's not mushy. It's the POWER of love. Here's some perspectives and practices for love.

Meet yourself. Feel your feelings, whether you're feeling all the feelings above or something totally different. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner worlds and the only inner world that you can take responsibility for is your own. So the inner work we do right now is just as important as the outer. How can you process your emotions in a caring way for you so that you can be the power of love that we need? How do you take care of yourself? How can you witness your triggers so that you don't act out on what's actually not about this present at all, but an old unhealed wound within? Taking good care of yourself is a great service to the world, remember that.

Focus on what you can do. Sure, it's important to stay informed. But how many details do you actually need to be able to do what you can? If you're focusing on a specific action and need to learn a lot to be able to do that thing, then it's active learning and that's good. Passive consumption of horror is no good, for anyone, ever. So refrain from constantly updating the news feed, staying hours on end on your screen or only talking about the problems. Listen inwards for guidance and do the thing that feels most aligned for you, whether that's donating money, time, getting involved in politics, sharing love or doing your inner work.

Focus on the good. What we focus on grows so focus on what you want to create and see in the world. Focus on solutions. Focus on love. Focus on all the things that you're grateful for in your own life today. The things that you might otherwise take for granted. Not from fear of losing them but from respect to those who don't have what you have. Enjoy all the things you love about your life, celebrate it all, in joy.

Be in community. These are not the times to isolate. I notice this in myself, it's my go-to when I feel overwhelmed and it's no good for me. Reach out. Ask for support. Offer your support. It's not about knowing what to say or what to do, it's about being there for each other. With each other. Human to human. We're all one. We're in this together.

Give it over. You can't control the world. Sorry. Sometimes we just need to let go and trust. It's not about giving up, it's about giving over. Ask for support and guidance from the power of love that is bigger than you. I have a daily prayer practice were I simply ask for protection and love sent to those people who most need it right now. Including the people so filled with fear that they're doing horrible things to others in an attempt to find what can't be found outside of ourselves. I pray for everyone to be taken over by love, by trust, by compassion and by hope.

Stay in the now. We don't know what the future will bring, but it's also not of our concern. That might be controversial to say, but it's only speculations. However much time your mind spends thinking about different future scenarios it will most probably not figure out what will actually happen. So stay in the now, focus on what you can do, now, focus on what you need, now. How can you remind your human and your body about what's real in your present right now? Are you breathing? Is your heart beating? Feet on the ground? Then you're ultimately okay, in this very moment.

What are the perspectives that are helpful for you right now?

The ebb and flow of life

You probably recognize yourself in the feeling that your energy goes up and down over a day, over a month, over a year and over different phases of life. We are cyclical beings, we are not meant to be in constant high energy. But many of us have created lives based on that principle; go, go go! Thank goodness we have nights, weekends and holidays, but is that enough? When we now create the “new normal” together, what do we want to create then?

I’m really curious about human behavior  and how crazy it often is. Say Christmas, for example. As it gets darker and colder up here in the north, many people increase the pace of work and their private life. We really pump the gas in December with social events, Christmas gift shopping, deadlines at work and then, when we’ve driven really hard, for really long, the crescendo of three hyper social days of relatives, friends, food, celebrations and traveling. My intention is not to put down Christmas, it’s just to point to a phenomenon that for many is not completely in line with the body’s needs.

“Just because it’s normal does not mean it’s not insane.”

– Eckhart Tolle

Many women experience major shifts in energy, depending on where in the menstrual cycle they are. But the days often go on, at the same pace, regardless. Monday to Friday, 9-5 and home, activities and events in addition to that. What would happen if we could adapt life more based on our bodies and their needs? Not because the body is weak and needs to rest constantly, but because it carries wisdom about when and how we are our best selves. When creativity is there, when the life force is flowing, when introspection is needed for new perspectives, when we need to take care of ourselves and when we have more than enough to give.

It can be difficult to even think about the idea in the boxed societal norms that many of us live in. But what if we have more freedom to influence than we think, when we take responsibility for what we can in the matter? Maybe say no to social activities the first days of menstruation? Or go to bed a little extra early during the darkest months of winter? Postpone that creative task to when the energy is there?

I experience a lot of resistance in myself when I don’t have the energy to push as I think everyone around me does. Still, I know that my energy and creativity go in waves. At times, I have access to a free flow of creativity and creation and energy over to others. In other periods, I need to go inward and live slower to bring myself home. What if I didn’t make that wrong? What if it applies to all of us?

What would happen if you raised the conversation in your family or with your colleagues? Do you usually talk about this? Can we help each other take of ourselves, each other and our bodies? What would be possible if we stopped going against what feels natural to us? What would it look like if we lived more intuitively and aligned with nature?

I don’t think we need to go back to being nature people to live more in sync with our own and the nature around us? There are new ways to do it. And small shifts can make a big difference in the life energy we experience and the well-being we can create. If you really asked yourself the question; what do I need right now? What answer would come then? And if you focus on what you can actually influence in your life, what would you change then? What conversations do you need to have? Who do you need to ask for support from? What small steps can you take in that direction?

It’s okay to be human. Or, we actually don’t really have a choice, we are human. What would happen if we stopped pretending we’re not. Humans need rest and recovery, as well as energy and creativity. When she gets the right conditions to be exactly what she came here to be, she, the human being, together with others of the same kind, can create so many beautiful, creative solutions and well-being for herself and others. That’s the modern society I want to be part of and co-create, in harmony with the ebb and flow of life.

What does this text evoke in you? I’m so curious to hear!

Gratitude is the gateway drug to happiness

The words came to me when I had been practicing gratitude regularly for a few months. There was nothing special that had changed in my life, but everything felt different, because I had put on new glasses. The glasses of gratitude. I chose to focus on everything that actually worked in my life instead of letting my negativity bias take over too much.

I held a workshop on the theme of gratitude the other day and was myself reminded of what an incredibly powerful tool it is for a more happy life. I had started taking my gratitude for granted, as if it would always be there, automatically. But unfortunately, that’s not how it works. We all have a negativity bias, a tendency to look for problems and dangers in all situations, instead of focusing on everything that actually works. It was incredibly good to have thousands of years ago, when we needed it to keep us, and our tribe, alive.

Most of us are no longer exposed to the dangers of life on a daily basis and actually have a fairly safe life, where we could relax more and enjoy our lives. But to get there, we need to rebuild some nerve pathways in our own brains, to actively choose what we want our brains to pay attention to. For me, gratitude is one of the most powerful tools for doing just that reprogramming, but it requires a little discipline on my part, not just a general intention to “be more grateful.”

With a daily gratitude practice, it becomes more and more natural over time, but just like with all muscles, the gratitude muscle also needs regular training. We simply become good at what we practice and maintain over time. No time is better than right now, to start a new habit, so here are some of my favorite practices, for a little gratitude reprogramming, so that you can experience the difference it can make in your life.

• Go on a gratitude walk and pay attention to everything you have to be grateful for with your body, your surroundings or your life in general

• Start and end each day by saying THANK YOU out loud with one hand on your heart, let a smile rest on your lips

• “Prime your gratitude” – get your brain used to thinking about what you’re grateful for every time you go up the stairs / brush your teeth / take a lift / shower / go into a certain room / make the bed

• Create a gratitude jar where you write down something you’re grateful for every day on a piece of paper / save a memory and put it in your gratitude jar. Go back to your gratitude jar when you need to and pick up a memory to remind yourself of everything amazing in your life. This is also a great practice to have with those you live with.

• Try the rampage of appreciation – write three full pages of things you appreciate in your life right now, feel the feeling and energy of gratitude.

• Spend a moment in gratitude for your meal and everyone / everything that has contributed to it now standing in front of you before you start eating.

• Start each meeting with the question: What are you grateful for right now / with this team / in your life / from the last week?

• When you are standing in line / waiting for the bus / are bored – list things you are grateful for being quiet for yourself.

• Write thank you letters to the people you are extra grateful for in your life or from your past and tell them what they mean / have meant to you. If possible, read it out to them and hand it over in person.

And if you want to try the most classic of gratitude exercises, the one that has been researched the most, namely the gratitude diary, I would like to give you three tips, which also work well with the other tips above.

1. Vary. Instead of raving about the same thing over and over again, pay attention to new things every day. This does not mean that you are not grateful for what comes to you first when you think of gratitude, but the muscle is strengthened more when you actually need to think and don’t go on autopilot. And there is always more.

2. Specify. Try to be as specific as possible in your gratitude. Instead of; I ‘m so grateful for my family, my home, my health, what exactly are you grateful for and why? Who in your family are you extra grateful for today and why? What in your home do you feel extra appreciation for and why? What about your body or your health gives you extra joy right now?

3. Feel. This will probably come automatically when you do the first two. Because when you need to think about and also specify, you will stay in the thoughts long enough for the feeling to be created. Feel it! Enjoy it. How does gratitude feel in your body? Where do you experience it? Stay a few extra seconds in the feeling of gratitude after each exercise and you will attract even more to be grateful for.

A lot of research indicates that only 21 days makes a difference, so start there. And once you have come that far, well, then you might as well keep going, right?