Responsible or neurotic? A balancing act.

Growing up with some health challenges I learned early on to listen to my body’s signals and reporting them back to my doctors. When I, later on, took my health into my own hands, becoming the CEO of my own life and healing, this became even more important as I needed to learn about and investigate a lot on my own. I’ve kept a health journal for years and I’ve recommended a lot of people, with health challenges of their own, to do the same.

I do believe it’s true, our body signals imbalances to us, through what we call symtoms. Shutting off these signals, without examining their root cause, is an unwise thing to do. And by writing them down it’s easier to start to see patterns and find triggers.

These headaches seem to come after I’ve been hanging out with these kinds of people/ energies.

These rashes show up after I’ve eaten this type of food.

My stomach crashes after a period of stress at work.

These are great connections to make because then you can start making tweaks in your lifestyle and see what shifts. Being responsible for your own health and caring for your body and mind.

But I’ve found, over the years, that there’s a balancing act to be had here. It’s not all good being hyper aware of your own body. Because it easily triggers the fear based mind. Or, at least it does so for me. By keeping track of my body signals (also known as symptoms), I’ve primed my mind to notice everything. Things that might pass others by. A spot on my leg. A slight pain in my lower back. A rash on my side. And I see this in a lot of the health focused people around me too. It can easily turn into a bit of an obsession. The objective and responsible observer becoming a neurotic and triggered worrier.

A couple of months back, as my mind was worrying about some signal my body was showing, I was walking in the forest, my mind looping and looking for a plan or an answer, when my intuition interrupted: Darling, what you’re looking for is relief. And it’s right here if choose it.

It became clear, in that moment, that I didn’t need to know, I just needed to let go to find the relief I thought was only available on the other side of this, perceived, problem.

It’s not that all my health worries magically disappeared as I got this wisdom from my intuition, but something started to click for my mind. And I realized that my mind had taken a too big a responsibility that was way over it’s pay grade, out of its control or ability. My mind is far from as wise as my body is. So it won't always know.

As I was reading through old journals over the holiday I realized that 99% of all the signals (symtoms) that my mind have kept track of (and worried about) over the years, my body have magically resolved. I never did figure out what it was, although my mind sure did try, but one day, the symtom was gone. Because my body is amazing. And it wants to be well. And the more I can refocus my energy into trusting and taking really good care of this amazing body of mine, the better my self-healing will work.

So 2022, here’s to trusting my body. Things may show up but I will trust you. And my intuition will guide me to what I actually do need to get checked up or keep close track on.

There’s so many reasons for temporary unbalances in the body; stress, emotional triggers, lack of sleep, toxins in the air or food, exposure to mold, tension, unsaid words, unreleased anger… It’s not the job of my mind to always know what is what. The job of the mind is to focus on taking care of the body the best I can and my body will support my life and whatever I want to do with it.

Curious to know how this resonates with you, can you relate to becoming neurotic in your aim to be responsible?

My New Years love letter to you

Happy New Year love,

Or Now Year. It really is just one day after another. But there is something for me in the energy around the turning of a year according to our time count. I love to reflect about what I learn and I so have in these days of transition. I want to share some of my reflections with you, in hopes of inspiring you to look at your own life through the lens of trust.

2021 was a beautifully challenging year, just as all years tend to be. And I'm grateful for all the experiences that pushed me to grow. But also for all the deep rest that more time in nature than ever before gave me. At the beginning of the year I moved into a palace by the sea with a few friends. Living in nature in this way has really deepened my connection to her, nature, and therefore also with me. Because I am nature. So when I'm with her, I'm with me. And I find it less and less interesting to try and put into words what happens in me as I connect with her. I'm more interested in the experience than in the story of the experience. If you have a deep connection with nature, I know you know. And if you don't yet, I so wish for you to find that connection, and what it means to you.

Living in community also challenged me to learn more about my needs in relation to others. To stay with myself even when there's others around. To honor my needs by identifying, acknowledging, accepting, expressing, requesting and then responding to whatever response I get. I dove into Human Design during 2021 and it really resonates with me. According to Human Design I have an open emotional center, which means that I feel other people very deeply in my system. Needing to learn to distinguish between myself and others have been one of the greatest challenges of 2021. And knowing that my own well-being is just as important as others. Honoring my well-being in relation has been difficult for me but I'm very aware of it now. And I believe awareness is the greatest catalyst for change, and often half of the work.

Another gift of 2021 has been countless 'picture perfect' moments where I haven't been well. Moments that my mind previously had fantasized would be 'perfect' before experiencing them. You know those ones we post on Instagram, in our highlight reels, take picture of and gladly share for the whole world to see. Because they look perfect. Which doesn't necessarily mean they feel the same.

This has given my mind even more, well-needed, proof that there is no there there. It's one of those things that I think most of us are aware of but that needs to sink in for us to stop striving for perfect. And there's many layers to it. I've reached a new layer of this knowing this past year. It also means that I'm less interested in making plans and not at all interesting in setting goals. I want to allow my life to unfold the way it wants to. Carefully choosing my response, and in that way co-creating my life experience with the universe. One moment at a time. I'm a Generator, according to Human Design, like 70% of us are, and that is our life strategy, responding. Maybe it's different for you. You know you. You do you. But my life almost never turns out the way my mind had imagined it, so I'm giving up on that idea. I no longer want to force my life, it's just too much work. I'm listening in for my 'hell, yes!' as well as 'hell, no!', and if there's no clear guidance, I won't act.

I do trust that, eventually, all my dreams will come true. I don't doubt that. But I also know that my inner experience of life won't be all that different from here, there. Because it all starts from within. So there's no striving. It's just trusting, following my intuition, and responding to whatever life presents to me. Responding in a way that is aligned with the life that I want to co-create with the universe. And that's also the perfect place for manifestation. Satisified with what is and eager for more. Happy, thank you, more please.

As I'm now being guided to move out of the community living, the palace by the sea, 2022 really is a blank page for me. And I don't mind. I don't know where I'll live, I don't know what I'll be focusing on workwise, I don't know who I'll be with or what I will fill my life with. All I know is that have trust, and connection, and guidance, and support, and that I am ultimately taken care of. I've also learned that what's meant for me, what's good for me, will also be good for everyone around me. My intuition would never guide me to anything else. It might not always be comfortable but it will always be for the highest best for all, and for the planet. And from that place I want to live. I know it's not part of the current paradigm, living like this. But I also know there's a big transition happening in the world, into this new. And I'm happy to stand in the new, although lonely at times, shining a light for everyone who wants to join to see.

I'm so immensely grateful for you being here. Whether you've been with me for the last 10 years that I've been sharing my life experience like this, or whether you're brand new in this space. By putting my experiences into words and concepts, in hopes of serving you somehow, I understand life better. 2022 marks 10 years since I started my own physical healing journey. And I'm turning 40 in a few weeks. On the one hand my doctors didn't give me a life prognosis that lasted all the way to 40. On the other hand my mind probably would have anticipated that I'd be somewhere different in my life at this point. But my life now is so much better than either my doctors or my mind could have ever imagined. So I'm open for this adventure called life, and I just want to be present for all of it.

"My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me." - Al-Shafi'i

Today is the second day of the new year, according to many, a very potent day for setting intentions. (If you're reading this later, you're good, anytime is good for intention setting.) I love this quote from Gary Zukav about intentions: 

“Your life is yours to live, no matter how you choose to live it. When you do not think about how you intend to live it, it lives you. When you occupy it, step into it consciously, you live it.”

The intention is the energy that sets the direction, your real motivation, the reason behind the reason. So what's your intention for this new year? Focus rather on how you want to feel and who you want to be, than on what you want to do. Because when you are the person you want to be, creating the feelings that you long to feel, you will co-create a richer life experience, beyond your minds limited imaginations. Here's the questions I will keep pondering in the next coming days:

How do I want to feel in 2022? (and then, what will make me feel this way?)
On December 31st 2022, in what ways will I be proud of myself and my own inner evolution?
How will I check in with myself, regularly, and stay conscious of my life and my daily choices?

I love you so much, and I'm so happy that you're here. And whatever 2022 may bring, promise you will stay with yourself, as I will stay with me, and together we will co-create the more beautiful world, lead by love, one moment at a time. Here and now. Here and now. Here and now. And so it is.

With all my love,
Helena

ps. Om det är något som känns tydligt för mig just nu så är det en längtan efter att skapa mer community och fortsätta att dela med mig av de verktyg som jag använder för ett medvetet och härligt liv. Tacksamhet är definitivt en av dem och den 11/1 19.00 bjuder jag in till den tredje workshopen i workshopserienbaserad på boken Det inre skiftet. Vi utforskar perspektiven, argumenten och reflekterar över vad tacksamhet kan innebära för dig i ditt liv. Och hur just den här kvaliteten kan öppna dörren för allt du vill ha i livet.

Den 20/1 pratar vi Acceptans och den 1/2 Glädje. Om du köpt boken via min hemsida så använder du bara koden "BOKEN" vid utcheckning för att vara med gratis.

What does it all mean?

I facilitated a workshop on the theme of Trust the other day. We talked about trust in oneself and in life in general. We got into the question of meaning and how we can find meaning in what happens in our lives. Someone reflected: “I can see the meaning in most things that happen in my life, but not when something really rough happens, then everything feels meaningless.” It made me think about meaning and meaning-making. And that I believe that life has the meaning we give it.

There’s so much we humans don’t know. But because uncertainty is so difficult for us, we create meaning where we can. Without actually knowing, we choose to give things meaning and over time, repeated thoughts, it becomes a truth for us.

We were supposed to meet.

The meaning of my life is to be a parent to my children.

I was not supposed to get that job.

Meaning is something we create, something we choose. When we choose meaning, there is meaning. When we choose meaninglessness, there is no meaning. I believe that the same principle applies to both the big and the small. It’s just a little easier to apply on the small than on the large.

I don’t mean to direct us all towards doubt and questioning with this reasoning, on the contrary. I mean, everything can be meaningful if we choose it. And that we choose our truth by repeating our thoughts, by writing our own story.

“A belief is nothing but a thought you keep thinking.”

– Wayne Dyer

I have chosen to believe that I experienced a lot of physical illness early in my life so that I would learn important things that I am incredibly grateful for today. Of course, I don’t know that that’s true but I have thought the thought enough times that my brain is now convinced and I continue to gather evidence. It’s called confirmation bias. Once you have chosen what you want to believe, the brain will be good at gathering evidence that your worldview is correct.

Many people who have been through horrible things in their lives have chosen to make sense of it, for their own well-being. It’s possible. Much of our world today is the invention of humans. We’ve chosen our norms, what’s right and wrong in different contexts, how to behave in a Western society, what a good life should look like… We have a common agreement on many of those things. So why could you not be able to make an agreement with yourself about how you choose to interpret what is happening in your life?

I heard the author Elizabeth Gilbert in an interview, shortly after the love of her life had died: “Of course I would prefer that Rayya was still here. But now that she’s not; what life am I being called to live? What life can I only live now that she’s no longer here? ”

Elizabeth did not ignore her grief and anger that her person in life had died. But she also chose to accept what happened and create meaning. What life do I live now? What life am I called to live right now?

I’m not saying any of this is easy and I think we’re wise to start practicing with the small stuff. What’s the point of me missing the bus? What was the point of encountering that person in town today? What’s the point of me getting into this same situation over and over again?

Your life has the meaning you choose to give it. What does it all mean?

7 tips to anyone changing their diet

For those of you who are currently making a diet change, you are not alone. It’s okay that it’s hard. It’s also okay if it feels easy. Everything changes. And if you need to do this for your health, then it will definitely be worth it. I’m rooting for you!

Almost ten years ago, I made a huge lifestyle change for the sake of my health. I was really sick and had six autoimmune, chronic diagnoses and most things indicated that it would continue to get worse. My lifestyle change started with the food. From one day to the other I completely changed my diet and began a rotational diet to ensure that I got the nutrition I needed from the limited food I ate and didn’t develop new food allergies out of the 64 I already had. It started with food but that was just the outer layer of the onion. Since then, I have changed so much in my life, both practically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And I’m still asymptomatic.

About a year after I started the change, I had reintroduced most of the food and for the past 10 years I have eaten “anti-inflammatory”, which for me has meant food prepared from scratch, minimizing additives and processed food, focus on clean and organic food, and excluding gluten, cow’s milk and sugar. So easy, compared to how it was for me in the beginning.

A while ago, I decided to do a comprehensive health examination, through a functional medicine doctor, to ensure that I still live in a way that suits my body and my conditions. To prevent any future illness. And when you look at more than 300 parameters, of course, something will come up. For me, it was SIBO.

There is a lot to read about SIBO here at FoodPharmacy, for example here. In my understanding, it’s one of those things that over time can create leaky gut, which can create low-grade inflammation that can create imbalances in the body, what we usually call disease. So even though I was symptom free, I wanted to heal my SIBO. As part of the treatment, I will now eat low FODMAP for three months, which you can read more about here.

So, here I am now, 10 years later, again in a diet change, and I have had to remind myself of what I learned then, to make it easier for myself this time as well. Here are my tips for anyone who needs to change your diet, for the sake of your health:

1. Find your intention and your why. Formulate for yourself, what’s your intention in doing this for yourself? Why is this important to you? Try to formulate it so that it’s based in love and not in fear. For your health and not to avoid illness. My why right now: “My intention is to live long and feel strong, healthy and happy, therefore I want to take care of my body in the best way. Because I deserve to feel as good as possible.”

2. Remember that it’s hardest in the beginning. When we’re learning something new, we often move through the same cycle. At first, we’re completely unaware of what we don’t yet know. But then we become aware that we need to learn something new and change, which is inconvenient. Eventually we learn more but still need to be extremely attentive and use a lot of energy towards for example finding the food we can eat in the grocery store and how to prepare it. But eventually this new knowledge becomes more natural for us and we become unaware of everything we now actually know, it’s on autopilot and the energy consumption goes down. It’s the change in the beginning that is difficult, not the new lifestyle.

3. Your taste buds need some time to adjust. There was a time when I thought that nothing could ever replace candy. Today, I can’t imagine eating something that tastes so unnatural. My taste buds have become accustomed to the type of food I choose to eat today, and even though nothing tasted particularly delicious in the beginning, it only took a few weeks before I found myself longing for the taste of kale. I could never have believed that!

4. Give yourself some time to learn and plan. Everything becomes easier with planning. Spend some time in the beginning to learn more about the diet you choose to eat. Find inspiration online. There are certainly many more who are already eating as you now need to eat, find them and realize that you are not alone. Try out new recipes. Create a weekly menu. Make sure you have the right things at home (and make sure that what you’re no longer eating is out of sight).

5. Focus on what you can eat. Choose your focus. Instead of, in front of others and yourself, over and over again listing what you can’t eat, choose to focus on what you can eat and rejoice in it. If you eat out, look at the entire menu and identify what suits you and ask the kitchen to create something with what they already have at home, in case you can’t eat anything directly from the menu.

6. Decide on “your story”. My experience is that many people have lots of questions when you choose to eat something other than the “standard diet”. Decide on your story and motivation so that you don’t have to get caught up in complicated explanations every time and perhaps share more than you are comfortable with. I’m, for example, saying: “Right now I eat a little less stuff than usual to ensure that my body feels as good as possible.” You choose when you want to go into longer explanations and not.

7. Be kind to yourself. Change is difficult, especially in the beginning. Be extra kind to yourself. What do you like to do? Which people give you inspiration and energy? What can you treat yourself to that has nothing to do with food? Ask for support and help when you need it. Lower the requirements in other areas of your life, because this takes a little extra energy from you. 

Eventually, I think many more will choose to eat more natural foods again. And those of us who choose it today will feel less alone. At the same time, we are constantly learning more and more about the impact of food on health, so it will certainly also become more common with various forms of dietary treatments for a limited time. If you are in the midst of a diet or lifestyle change now, know that you are not alone. And even if it’s difficult in the beginning, it will be easier with time. Remember to listen to your own inner compass first and foremost. You know best what you need right now.