There’s a lot to worry about in our world. What will happen to the climate? What do those symptoms really mean? Will there be more war? How will the children do in their life? What about the economy? What does my boss really think of me? How are the elections going? Well, I probably don’t need to remind you what to worry about, I’d just want to normalize that it’s a natural part of being human. But it doesn’t have to take over your life or affect your well-being every day. I want to share the tools I use to let worry take a less prominent place in my life so I can devote my energy to nicer things.
First of all, worry is a natural feeling and worrying thoughts are a part of most people’s lives. It has a function. It warns and draws our attention to where we may need to adjust or pay extra attention. But it can sometimes get out of hand and is often focused on things that are far beyond our own control. These tools have helped me and many of my clients to a life with less worry, and more joy.
Sort through your thoughts
A prerequisite for being able to work with the worrisome thoughts is to realize that just because the thoughts are in your head, it does not necessarily mean that they are true. Or relevant. Or important to you right now. Allow yourself to really listen to the thoughts from start to finish and get them out on paper. Once you’ve written down everything you’re worried about, sort through them. What is true? What can you actually know about the future? What’s within your control? What can’t you influence? What do you need to act on now? What do you possibly need to act on later and how can you plan it today (so that you don’t have to think about it again until it’s time)?
Feel the feeling
There’s a difference between worrying thoughts and feeling of worry. When you have sorted your thoughts, feel the feeling. An important reminder here: You can’t think a feeling, so for this practice you need your body, you don’t need the help of your mind at all. How do you know you are worried? How does it feel in your body when you are worried? Maybe it’s a pressure on the chest, a lump in the stomach or a tingling in the arm? No matter what, feel the feeling of worry when you need to. Without adding new worrying thoughts. When we feel a feeling through the body sensation that it is, it rarely takes more than 60-90 seconds for the feeling to be felt and be released. Breathe and hold yourself in the feeling from time to time, and you will notice it eases.
“The hour of worry”
I was given this tool by a hospital counselor many years ago when I was living with a lot of worry about my health. For me, it’s a combination of the two practices above. If the concern is still there, invite it in, but only when it’s convenient. In fact, I used to not need more than a quarter of an hour a day when I set aside the time to actively invite the worries, sort through them, and then feel the feeling that was awakened in the body. What happens when you allow your worry some space every now and then is that over time it becomes less intrusive in the rest of your life. It is like a small child that just wants your attention; “mom, mom, mom, MOOOM!!!!” When you regularly turn to the worry and say: “Hey Worry, I understand you have something important to say, tell me, I’m here and listen” it calms down and no longer needs to be so alarming.
Cultivate trust
As I write in my latest book “Det inre skiftet”, I believe that there’s a scale on which we constantly move from Worry and the need for Control to Trust. Trust to me is about letting go and choosing to trust that even if we don’t know what the future will be, we will be able to handle it once it’s here. But the reason why it’s so hard to try to manage the future in our heads is because it doesn’t exist yet. So, what would happen if you actively chose to lower your shoulders, deepen your breath, and choose to trust that love will always carry you and that you can handle much more than you think?
Live in the moment
What is then left when we have sorted through the worries and felt the emotions during the time, we actively choose to set aside for it and let go of the rest? Well, life, here and now. When we stop giving so much attention to what is not yet here, we get a lot of energy left over to live here and now. To be present in the conversation, to taste the food, to give our full attention to what we have in front of us. To enjoy how comfortable the bed and the breath is when we go to sleep instead of listening to scary thoughts. To feel what we feel like doing right now instead of rushing around and doing just for the sake of doing. To receive and enjoy all the beauty around us right now instead of being afraid that it will all one day be gone.
If you’re now sitting with a thought that sounds like: “But, it’s important that we worry, it’s part of being a citizen of society and responsible for our common future!” I want to challenge that idea. Worrying is not the same as being responsible and contributing to society. We take responsibility by first and foremost taking care of ourselves and our own well-being and then contributing in the way that feels right and important to us, from a place of energy and love, not panic and fear. None of us know what the future will be, but I’m fully convinced that we will solve it together, by living with what is, feeling our feelings along the way and following our own inner guidance to the right next step for us.