When I started my corporate career at 25 I was crystal clear about where I was going. HR Manager before 30, specializing after that and working internationally. Which I did. Living by the motto: Work hard and make sacrifices and you’ll be successful. And I sure worked hard and made sacrifices. There was a lot of crying in the bathroom, my stomach was usually in an uproar and Sunday anxiety was not uncommon. And by some definitions I was successful; good salary, nice car, great benefits and a lot of power (over).
In so many respects it was a great school. I got the taste of sweet accomplishments and sour failures. I learned so much about myself and about other humans and how we work together in organizations. But I had my armor on. I wasn’t true to myself. And I secretly started nourishing a dream on the side. A dream of living a life true to my values, all of me, with a lot of freedom and a lot more fun.
After a couple of years of flying around the Nordic and Baltic countries I found myself in a taxi leaving another draining meeting in another Nordic capital knowing that I had to leave. And that’s when my phone rang. A woman that a friend had introduced me to asked if I was interested in consulting with her in a network of other HR professionals. Up until that point I only ever saw two options: either you move out into the woods, writing spiritual books, or you enter another corporate gig with less travelling. With that phone call I realized there were more options than the two that my mind had imagined. And I knew that I was ready.
It didn’t happen overnight which was good for my mind but six months later I handed in my computer and phone and actually moved to a cabin for a couple months to write my first book. And that transition was far from smooth. My mind was still in the habit of working hard and writing a book is not about working hard, because a lot of words on many pages is not a good story. I had to find another approach to work.
Four years later I still can’t believe that this is my worklife now. I mix consultancy with writing with coaching with speaking with all kinds of fun creations and collaborations. There is no plan. I mainly play around really. And I’m really successful, although my definition of success has changed a lot over the years. This is how I’m successful:
The intuition guides the way. I listen more inwards than I listen to the outer world or other people’s opinions. Sure, it’s great to learn from other people’s experiences and advice at times. But when it’s decision time only your intuition can show you the way. My mind doesn’t always really grasp what’s going on. I say no to clients and collaborations and invitations all the time. I don’t go where I don’t feel I can bring real value. Because I know that a yes to something is a no to everything else, and I want to keep a lot of space open for mystery, for synchronicities and alignment.
Follow the pleasure and the fun. Feminine leadership is the way forward. Alignment before action. If I don’t feel like working I generally don’t. I spend hours every day in nature and with my body. I ensure I’m in a good energy before I get to work because I know that the energy I put into things is a direct reflection of what the result will be. It’s never about the number of things I do, it’s about with what intention I do the few things that I do. Not everyone is made to work hard. The ones that are do it with great enjoyment. If that’s not you, don’t.
I trust that I am taken care of. I know that in every situation so far in my life, I have been okay. Trust is about knowing that I also will be okay in the future. Not that everything will go according to my plan. In my mind a lot of things go wrong all the time, but very rarely in real life. So, I practice staying in the moment, dealing with whatever is in front of me. Not believing in all my thoughts because they’re not real, they’re just fantasies or selective memories. And the reason why things are so hard in my mind is because they’re not real, in my immediate reality. If they where I would deal with them, using all the resources available to me in that present moment; my body, my mind, my intuition and all the people around me.
Abundance is a mindset. It’s not about hoarding money or stuff. It’s about living a full life today. I live in abundance; of time, of inspiration and of all the resources that I need. Choosing an abundance mindset is choosing to see that you have everything you need, in this moment. And knowing that the more you give the more you get but it’s not a sum zero game. It’s a constant flow, in and out, giving and receiving. As opposed to a scarcity mindset where there’s a winner and a loser, I believe that we can all win, if we focus on what we have and what we can give.
Brene Brown talks about power over versus power to, with or within where the latter believes that power becomes infinite and expands when shared. That’s the paradigm that I want to operate from and that’s what I believe will create the future we need. No one is an island and we all need each other. And with a new definition of success, like the one I suggest above, or others like it, I believe we can co-create and re-write the story of life and work.
I’m well aware of my privilege of getting to choose this sort of life. And some might say it’s an obligation to live your dream if you can. But I do believe that more people could make the transition into a more values-based and meaningful work life than do. And it’s my intention to inspire you to know that it’s possible and to dare to take a few steps on that path. Try it on for size, knowing that the worst thing that could happen is that you lose some energy or money or power (over), and that’s not as scary as your mind might think. At least you were successful.