The magic is in the in-between

Some of the positive psychology and positive thinking lingo that’s out there can easily be misunderstood as always being in perfect bliss or never going through rough times. That’s not it.

Life is brutal. And beautiful. Brutiful as Glennon Doyle would put it. But most of life is in the in-between. Just days passing by, mundane, in routine, gloomy, okay, nothing-special-at-all. This is where the magic happens.

Sure, we can do our best to sharpen our peak experiences and make them last or cut off the depth of our rock bottom, but I’m not so sure we’ll succeed. They’re part of life and are experienced best by letting go of resistance and accepting reality as it is.

I love how James Baraz describes this:

Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).

The space where we have the most power over our life quality is in the in-between. While brushing our teeth on a Tuesday morning, commuting to work, in a job meeting, while reading emails, in the grocery line, cooking food, putting the kids to bed, cleaning up, in the sofa, the thoughts as we lay down to sleep. If all those moments are suffering or filled with worry your life quality is likely not very good. If most of those moments are present or filled with gratitude your life quality is likely very good. The magic is in the in-between.

If you want to start somewhere I suggest a gratitude list every morning and every night. It’s the surest way I know of to start building new neuro pathways that will, with practice, change your life. Because, gratitude is the gateway drug to happiness. If we can find gratitude in days passing by, mundane, in routine, gloomy, okay, nothing-special-at-all, we’ve come a long way.

With all my love,

Helena

Join the gratitude challenge

New year, new you or new month, fresh start. Whatever, it’s only a week left of March and I think it’s the great time to start something new, or re-commit to something that might already be part of your day: GRATITUDE.

It’s never too late or too early or too busy or too difficult or too anything to start a gratitude practice.

Gratitude is the gateway drug to happiness.

This was one of the practices that my course participants practiced this week and it’s amazing to hear the shifts that come immediately.

The more I focus on gratitude the more I find to be grateful for….

The more specific I get in my gratitude the stronger the feeling…

Since I started with my gratitude practice I’ve had so many amazing synchronicities happening….

Life is never black or white, it’s never either or but both and more. No matter what you are going through right now there’s always so much more to be grateful for than not. Even if you’re struggling right now I bet you can find at least 1 000 things to be grateful for. I’m really not kidding! Your eyes, your ears, your lungs… water, air, sun… love, relationships, connection… trees, flowers, ocean… books, knowledge, free resources… freedom, safety, home… I could go on and on and on and on.

But I want to challenge you to start practicing being aware of all the blessings all around you. The practice is simple and you can try it out for the rest of March. If you don’t like it, drop it. We’re gonna write gratitude lists, morning and night. Five things. Three rules;

1. Come up with new things all the time. No repetition.

2. Be specific; What part of your home are you grateful for? Why is this relationship so awesome? What about your job are you liking extra right now?

3. Feel the feeling. The trick is to really sink into the feeling of gratitude. I call is taking a dip in the gratitude jacuzzi. Enjoy the feeling of gratitude and watch how it affects the rest of your day.

I hope you feel inspired to try this one out with me! As you well know, nothing changes until you change and everything changes when you do so just do it and evaluate beginning of April.

With all my love,

Helena

Keep your expectations general

I notice that I have a natural attitude of having a positive perspective on the future. I always expect the best. Sure, I might worry about something coming up next week or be nervous about something but in general, I expect all my dreams to come true. I know that's not reality for everyone and I'm so grateful for this attitude. 

However, it creates really high expectations. Sometimes they're not fulfilled. It hurts. Yet, I don't want to lower my expectations because they're so sweet in the meantime. At the same time, it's the gap between expectations and reality that creates unhappiness. These are two of the solutions I've found to this paradox, so far:

• Be general and more emotional based in your expectations. Don't latch onto details or to what other people should or shouldn't do. Keep it to a feeling and to the things that you yourself can actually do something about. 
• When the expectations are no longer in the future, but in your present moment, let them go and be with what is, no matter what that might be. 

Do you agree? How do handle expectations that make you trip in the present? 

With all my love,
Helena

When you're bored, do this!

One of my favorite pastimes when I'm bored is to make lists in my head of all the things I'm grateful for. When in line, in a traffic jam, waiting for a friend. Once you get warmed up, you will probably be so fully filled with appreciation for all the awesomeness in your life that you'll be able to take a dip in the awesome gratitude jacuzzi. 

Is there any better way to pass the time? 

Watch where your mind wanders and you might realize why your life is the way it is. Make conscious decisions about where you direct it and you'll create more of the things you're really grateful for. Give it a try! 

With all my love,
Helena

Who do you thank?

Sometimes gratitude can feel overwhelming - have you ever experienced that? You know when you fully realize all that you have in your life to be grateful for. Or when that special person gives you that smile. Or when something magically just works out. Or when the sun kisses your face. Who do you thank? 

It's can't just all be coincidence, right? There is a higher power and there is a bigger meaning. Who do you thank? 

With all my love,

Helena