pain

Don't go looking for pain

I try to live my life according to the principle of pleasure. It’s difficult because my mind, just as most of ours, has something called the negativity bias. This means it looks for problems and threats, just because that used to be the reason humans would survive in the wild.

We don’t live in the wild anymore and most threats are made up in our minds, although our mind is not smart enough to realize when the threat is made up and when there’s an actual tiger in front of us. So we need to practice. Looking for pleasure instead of looking for pain.

No matter how many problems you have and what you’re struggling with right now, you are not obliged to constantly think about your pain points. It’s not responsible. Responsible is setting aside time for taking appropriate action towards solving your problem, feeling your feelings around the issue, asking for help, but just as much letting it go, staying with the present, giving it space and taking pleasure in life.

You know when you wake up in the morning and you actually feel fine but your mind goes on a hunt for the problem at hand. As if it’s the job of the mind to never lose track of it. Catch it before it finds it. Take charge by filling your mind with the beauty in your life, the moments of bliss, all the things you have to be grateful for. Pain will unfortunately find you, you don’t have to go looking for it.

With all my love,

Helena

Every action creates a reaction

This is the law of the universe, we can't avoid it and we don't want to. We need to be aware. That for every action towards yourself or others, there will be a reaction.

If a painful reaction is neglected it might be like the hot potato that Glennon Melton so beautifully talks about. We treat pain as a hot potato, trying to pass it on to the other person when we're to scared to deal with our own pain.

Some people are the type that think they are really good at suppressing the reaction, with stress, suffering and, in the long run, disease as the consequence. 

We can't do anything about the laws of the universe but we can be aware of them and obey when needed. If you, or someone else, acts in a way that hurts you, deal with the reaction. Maybe you need to be extra kind to yourself and listen to the painful emotions. Maybe you need to scream into a pillow or hit something that don't hurt. Maybe you need to set up some really clear boundaries. 

And on the flip side, every loving action comes with a reaction of love. Remember this too. No loving act will ever go unnoticed. So, be aware, and make conscious choices about how you act and react. 

With all my love,

Helena

Suffering without catharsis is wasted pain

The quote is from Elizabeth Gilbert, one of my main mentors, and a interview she had with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. They were discussing the hero's journey and the unavoidable change that comes from struggles in our lives. 

I do think that pain is inevitable and that suffering is optional. Optional, however, does not mean, it's very easy to move away from it. We are having a human experience, and so, we suffer. But both our pain and the suffering our resistance creates, come bearing a message. There is always a hidden treasure in pain. 

We get the lessons we need in life to evolve and change into the people we need to be to do what we need to do. If we resist the change, however, the same lesson will come again, but in a different shape. 

So, next time life serves you lemons, ask yourself this: How do I need to change right now? What do I need to learn? Then, be as diligent student as you can. Learn with curiosity. And remember, the only constant is change. 

With all my love,

Helena 

When hope hurts

I've written about this so many times, because it used to be a big theme in my life.

I was trying so hard not to hope or wish for the best because I thought the hurt of the disappointment was too hard to bear. I would start expecting the worst, to not get hurt. I would withhold on joy out of fear of vulnerability. Not realizing I was withholding life by doing this. And without understanding that, no matter my precautions, sometimes life hurts. We can't vaccinate against it. 

In the contract of life, pain is part. Our best defense is living our life where it is right now, being optimistic about the future. The worst thing that can happen is that we have been happy for no real reason. But in doing this, we prepare ourselves for pain. We don't prepare by expecting the worst or by being pessimistic about the future. That's just a recipe for draining ourselves. 

Don't let hope hurt you. It's not hope that does that. It's expectations shattered. We need to expect the best. And if it doesn't happen, we need to accept what is. So do hope, do joy, do optimism. You can deal with anything and heal from whatever. 

With all my love,
Helena