how to find friends

Finding your people by being true to who you are

I’m blessed with a lot of really great friends. Some friendships have been with me since my very first birthday party and some are only a few months old. I’m grateful for all of them and I nourish them as best I can.

It took a long time for me to realize that one person can’t be our “everything”. We need to be that for ourselves first and foremost. Other people are the cherry on top, although a very cherished cherry indeed :) We need different kinds of relationships for different kinds of reasons and for different periods in our life.

For a reason. For a season.

Some friendships last for decades and some are very brief, that has nothing to do with the quality or meaning of them. There’s no comparison needed in any kinds of relationships, they’re all unique. Because you are unique and so is your friend, and the energy that builds between you has its unique structure and feel. That’s a beautiful thing.

I often hear from people that I work with that they feel lonely. Not that they don’t have people around them. Most have plenty of people in their life. But they feel like no one really gets them. Or they feel like they don’t have anyone to say the really important stuff to. Or to “trial talk” with. Or to just be with. Or to share everything with.

I get it. I’ve been there too. Especially in periods of really intense growth in my own life have I found it difficult to find people who are on the same page, with the same kinds of growing pains or the same kinds of insights or struggles or questions. But I’ve also felt so much community in recent years, more than ever, and I want to share with you what has worked for me, with the hopes of it inspiring you to find your own path to “your people”.

  • Give people a chance to be who you need them to be.

    We all know this: We can’t change other people. But that doesn’t mean that people don’t change. Ask for what you need. Tell people how you need to be listened to. Do you want advice or just a listen? What kind of topics would you pick over dinner? Try them out and see how they land. People might surprise you. I know I’ve been surprised plenty a time.

  • You do you and you’ll be easier to spot in the crowd.

    Who you are is enough. Who you are is important. Who you are is power. You, for being you, deserve to find people who you feel truly connected to. First, when you are being you, there’s no competition because there’s no one like you. And secondly, when you are being you you’re so much easier to find to the people who are searching for you. Show all of your quirkiness for the world to see.

  • Go out of your ordinary way to find them.

    There’s 7,5 billion people on this planet and they say that we’re never more than 6 people away from anyone, probably less now that more and more are connected digitally. Your people are out there. But depending on where you live and your current circumstances you might not run into them in your everyday life. Go to a meetup, start a blog, join a relevant Facebook group, take a course. Ask for help being connected to people who interest you. Ask a new acquaintance out for a friend date. Invest the time in researching where your people are and show up there.

All this is not to imply there are better people than others. It’s just about getting to spend time with the people who you vibe with, who challenge you to grow, to rest, to dream and to be, whoever you want to be. Life’s too short to miss out on great relationships! Go out and find your people and do whatever you can to help others find theirs. Together, we lift each other up!

How do you find your people? What are the qualities of a great relationship in your book?