change

Awareness is the key

I was exploring this with one of my coaching clients recently and just got it affirmed yet again. Awareness is everything. When we are aware we can choose our response. When we're aware we have the foundation for change. When we are aware we we expand our freedom.

What is hidden from us is difficult to change. What we can't see we cannot remove. When we don't see our patterns we can't draw new ones. 

Many people feel that growing awareness is uncomfortable, because what used to be in the shadow is brought to the light. But we need to give credit where credits do. Awareness is the first and very large step in the right direction. 

So celebrate your growing awareness. Celebrate your courage to bring the uncomfortable to the light. Because this is where the fun starts - you can make deliberate choices as to where to go from here. Congratulations! 

With all my love,
Helena

Change your expectations for appreciation

Christmas is upon us. So much pressure on only a few days. Things don't always go as planned, or  as we might have wished for. The food taste bad. Someone got sick. There's conflict in the middle of celebrations. The kids are unhappy with their gifts. You feel extra lonely. There's more rain than snow. That annoying relative is more annoying than usual. You have a headache. 

Sorry to be a bummer day before Christmas, but hey, just trying to rid your expectations. Skip them. Trade them for appreciation. That smile on a loved ones face. The piece of chocolate that just melted in your mouth. The lights in the dark. The wonderful smell of childhood memories. A warm hug. The stillness before everyone arrives. That song you love. 

It might all be there, at the same time. You decide where you put your focus. Change your expectations for appreciation.

With all my love,

Helena 

Feeling machines

I heard Cheryl Strayed in an interview say this and I totally agree: "We're feeling machines who knows how to think, not thinking machines who knows how to feel." That's where we got it all wrong, thinking our feelings are just a bi-product and our left brain thinking gets center stage. 

I know I talk about this a lot right now but it is what's going on a lot for me. And that's where I always start writing, that's why I write in the first place. To process, reflect and analyze what's going on in my own life. Hopefully it speaks to you too. 

We think we make logical decisions but most of them are driven by emotions. We believe that we can objectively assess a situation when everything in our life is highly subjectively processed. 

How do we navigate this logically centered world where we actually don't fit in? Well, one way for me is to let my intuition lead the way (often speaking through emotions) and then find logical arguments for one or the other decision. While most of our 35 000 decisions a day are obviously unconscious and driven by our subjective past and emotional memories. 

We're not going to change our societal structure in one full sweep, but I do see a lot of hubs of different thinking, or I should probably say, different feeling. It's a paradigm shift of enormous proportions, but I'm certain that we'll see a very different world in the future. One where emotions are regarded for what they really are and a world where all of humanity (and everything living on this earth) fits better in. 

With all my love,

Helena 

Suffering without catharsis is wasted pain

The quote is from Elizabeth Gilbert, one of my main mentors, and a interview she had with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. They were discussing the hero's journey and the unavoidable change that comes from struggles in our lives. 

I do think that pain is inevitable and that suffering is optional. Optional, however, does not mean, it's very easy to move away from it. We are having a human experience, and so, we suffer. But both our pain and the suffering our resistance creates, come bearing a message. There is always a hidden treasure in pain. 

We get the lessons we need in life to evolve and change into the people we need to be to do what we need to do. If we resist the change, however, the same lesson will come again, but in a different shape. 

So, next time life serves you lemons, ask yourself this: How do I need to change right now? What do I need to learn? Then, be as diligent student as you can. Learn with curiosity. And remember, the only constant is change. 

With all my love,

Helena 

What about you?

It's easy to get lost in other people's wrong-doing, but it's a tricky place to go because we can't really do anything about it. Sure, we can give the other person some feedback and we can ask for a change, but we can't make the change happen if the other person don't want to change. 

A much more empowering choice is to look back at ourselves, where we have all the power. If you're annoyed at someone being pushy in the subway, how are you acting in the subway? If you dislike how someone else is treating you when they're stressed, how are you acting when you're stressed? If you are looking for a person to brighten your day, how are you brightening someone else's day? 

To take responsibility for what we can actually change is not about blaming ourselves or validating another's every behavior, it's about empowering where we can. Be the person you want to see in the world. Put all your energy into being the best person you can be and you'll soon see the world change around you. 

With all my love,

Helena 

The relief of the paradox

I've always been intrigued and frustrated about the both and more. My rational mind has always tried to figure out which one it is and find a way to stay with that. But in recent years I'm feeling more and more intrigued, and less frustrated. This is short excerpt from my book Pure Personal Power - tools to collect on a healing journey. 

Life is hard and beautiful. Pain is inevitable but you don’t have to suffer. What is difficult when life’s difficult is easy when life’s easy. Strive to always feel better and let go. Always focus on understanding others and set very clear boundaries. Have a clear vision of where you want to go and be where you are. We need other people and we need to be able to be alone.  Have faith that you are taken care of and do the work. Put yourself first and focus on service to others. Know your truth and be open to changing your mind. Set high standards and enjoy the simple things. Follow your heart and use your head.  Be fully in this world and know this is not all there is.

With all my love,

Helena 

Your negative emotions don't define who you are

In the pressure of constantly feeling good, doing good and living a happy life we sometimes try to look away from our negative emotions. As if they would define us if they show up too often. "I'm a sad person", "I'm the angry one" or "I'm guilty". There are no negative emotions. There are just emotions, and all of them need to be fully felt. 

Emotions are sign posts as to what we need to look at. Hey, there's some sadness here - go hang out with it for a bit and see what you need to learn. Or, get still and investigate the bubbling anger that you've been carrying around. The guilt might be showing you where you need to change or where you need to let go. 

Whatever, so called, negative emotion you are experiencing repeatedly, ask it some questions: Where did you come from? What do you want me to know? Is there anything I need to change in my life or relationships for you to calm down? What do I need to learn right now? 

Don't be defined by your emotions, just be curious as to what they are trying to tell you and show up for whatever is up.

With all my love,

Helena