How to create the Holiday that you're longing for

Hey! It’s almost Christmas and I’m about to take a short break from most of what I do in my business and probably a little longer break from the blog but I do want to leave you with this: How to create the Holiday that you’re longing for.

We do what we do because we want to feel a certain way. We plan our Holidays in pursuit of getting to feel the way we want to feel. But what if we turned it all around to realize that we don’t actually need all those external circumstances to be a certain way for us to get to feel the way we want to feel.

Imagine this Holiday, Christmas and New Year’s, being everything you ever dreamed of, perfect in every sense, what feelings are you experiencing?

Joy? Love? Connection? Peace? Pleasure? Relaxation? Meaning? Community? Safety? Balance? Creativity? Or something else?

Now that you know what the feelings you’re longing for are, you can simplify everything by going for the feeling first and realize how much power you have over your own life quality. If you long to feel joy you can put on a great song and dance. If you wanna feel love you can hang out with a pet or stay extra long in a hug. If you wanna feel connection you can reach out to that friend that you’re missing. If you wanna feel peace you can go out in nature and sit for a while, leaning on a tree or a rock. If you want to feel pleasure you can enjoy that piece of chocolate for at least a minute and really taste it. I could go on and on but I think you’re getting it.

Life is a long string of moments linked together through time. You can affect those moments. Create lots of moments in presence where you create the feeling that you want to feel and you don’t need everything to be perfect around you. You don’t need to control everything that happens this Christmas. You can relax.

I’m hosting a retreat in January where we’ll create a conscious plan for 2020 starting with the feelings you’re longing for using this process, Desire Mapping. It’s in Swedish and registration closes December 27th. I hope to see you there. All info and registration here.

I’ve also created an online program for starting the new decade off with intention and pleasure. You can read more about it here. The program starts January 3rd so you need to hop on latest January 2nd.

Wishing you a nice and present Christmas and New Year’s <3

With all my love,

Helena

I don't have it all figured out

It seems as if people sometimes think that I have it all figured out or that my so called wisdom, makes my life so simple. And maybe I too expect this to be the case. But sorry to say so; I don’t have it all figured out.

Sure, I’ve written the book and I’ve done my 10 000+ hours on personal development, learning, writing, teaching, pondering and reflecting. But sometimes, I’m a hot mess. I don’t have anything figured out and end up stumbling all over my own tools.

And you know what the worst thing about it is? I blame myself. I shame myself for being human. For being messy. For not figuring it out right away.

I think I need to write this to myself as much as to anyone else. Because what I know will help in those instances, is self-compassion. You know the thing that’s so simple when life’s simple. The thing that is so super difficult (for me) to muster when I mess up.

I really recommend this beautiful epsiode on self-love on Danielle Laportes new podcast “With love, Danielle”. How can you love yourself even when you messed up? How can you love yourself when you get sick, even though you have all the tools for health? How can you love yourself when the things you believed in so deeply, seem to rip at the seems? How can you love yourself when you don’t even like yourself very much?

Those are not easy questions and I don’t have all the answers. But I’m learning. Slowly. And I’m trying my best to apply heaps of compassion to my trials.

With all my love,

Helena

With whom can you be your softest self?

We were sitting around a small table in an apartment in Little Venice, London, when Nancy asked the question: With whom can you be your softest self? We all went round the table to answer. Someone said their kids, another their clients, I said my person. She who sees right through me. I don’t have to hide anything from her and I can’t lie to her. She feels me even more than she knows me. So my softest self is all that I can present.

But the question still lingers in me. What does it mean, soft? Authentic? Real? Raw? Open? Honest? Transparent? Small? Weak? Complete? Is there power in softness? I believe so. If so being soft also means being all of who we are, in the moment, no matter what that looks like.

There’s an epidemic of loneliness in our world today. We’re more connected than ever yet so many feel so separate, so alone. Would that change if we could be our softest self with more people? What if we could be our softest self in all of our close relationships? I honestly think that most people aren’t. Because being soft requires courage, time and presence. Our society lacks in all those areas.

I become softer and softer with every year, and I long to empower more people to soften. First to themselves and then to the world. It’s not weak, it’s our greatest strength. With whom can you be your softest self?

With all my love,
Helena

The simplest way to living your dream life today

I don’t actually remember how I was first introduced to Danielle LaPorte but I’m so glad that I found her and her work. I remember working through the Desire Mapping process in early spring of 2015 and slowly uncovering the feelings that I most value and long for. They’ve changed and evolved since then but I still use my core desired feelings as a daily reminder of how I create the life that I want to live.

The process is quite simple: you look at your dreams and goals and “if-only-this”’s and you identify the feelings that you associate with having achieved this. These are your core desired feelings. The underlying belief of this work is that everything we do is driven by a desire to feel a certain way. And that we attach those feelings with a desired outcome that may or may not let you feel what you want to feel.

The twist of desire mapping is that once you’ve identified your core desired feelings you can deliberately create circumstances and events that lets your feel what you want to feel. Easy :) Really, it is! Let’s work with an example:

Emma is dreaming of having a house by the forest so that she can be in nature everyday. She longs to work creatively and help people from all over the world in leading happier lives. She wants two kids, a dog and a husband that is also into personal development and has a strong drive to create good in the world. Emmas “if-only-this” is having a less critical inner critic.

Emma visualizes that she’s there already, having everything she ever dreamt of and having all her problems solved. The feelings that she imagines that she would get to feel at her desired outcome are freedom, creativity, connection, meaning and divine love. Instead of waiting to get to experience those feelings “over there” she creates ways in her daily life to feel them.

Freedom is created by walking outside, taking a deep breath and looking up at the sky. She feels creativity by giving space to expressing herself freely through writing, without judgement. She experiences connection every time she sits down with a colleague and engages in an interesting conversation. Meaning is felt by helping people in need in different ways. Divine love is part of her everyday through her gratitude practice and by deepening her spiritual connection.

Emma is not at her “end goal” today, but she does get to feel the way she wants to feel almost everyday. And by taking responsibility for getting to feel her core desired feelings she feels less attached to the outcome and more present in her everyday life. And, she’s also a vibrational match to more of what she longs for, because we attract what we are.

That’s it! I told you it was easy ;)

I’m currently training to be a Desire Map Facilitator with Danielle, so you’ll probably hear lots more about this from me in the not so far future. But in the meantime, take the example of Emma and try it out in your own life. It’s more powerful than you might initially think. Trust me on this.

With all my love,

Helena

ps. yes, Emma is me.