Danielle Laporte

With whom can you be your softest self?

We were sitting around a small table in an apartment in Little Venice, London, when Nancy asked the question: With whom can you be your softest self? We all went round the table to answer. Someone said their kids, another their clients, I said my person. She who sees right through me. I don’t have to hide anything from her and I can’t lie to her. She feels me even more than she knows me. So my softest self is all that I can present.

But the question still lingers in me. What does it mean, soft? Authentic? Real? Raw? Open? Honest? Transparent? Small? Weak? Complete? Is there power in softness? I believe so. If so being soft also means being all of who we are, in the moment, no matter what that looks like.

There’s an epidemic of loneliness in our world today. We’re more connected than ever yet so many feel so separate, so alone. Would that change if we could be our softest self with more people? What if we could be our softest self in all of our close relationships? I honestly think that most people aren’t. Because being soft requires courage, time and presence. Our society lacks in all those areas.

I become softer and softer with every year, and I long to empower more people to soften. First to themselves and then to the world. It’s not weak, it’s our greatest strength. With whom can you be your softest self?

With all my love,

The simplest way to living your dream life today

I don’t actually remember how I was first introduced to Danielle LaPorte but I’m so glad that I found her and her work. I remember working through the Desire Mapping process in early spring of 2015 and slowly uncovering the feelings that I most value and long for. They’ve changed and evolved since then but I still use my core desired feelings as a daily reminder of how I create the life that I want to live.

The process is quite simple: you look at your dreams and goals and “if-only-this”’s and you identify the feelings that you associate with having achieved this. These are your core desired feelings. The underlying belief of this work is that everything we do is driven by a desire to feel a certain way. And that we attach those feelings with a desired outcome that may or may not let you feel what you want to feel.

The twist of desire mapping is that once you’ve identified your core desired feelings you can deliberately create circumstances and events that lets your feel what you want to feel. Easy :) Really, it is! Let’s work with an example:

Emma is dreaming of having a house by the forest so that she can be in nature everyday. She longs to work creatively and help people from all over the world in leading happier lives. She wants two kids, a dog and a husband that is also into personal development and has a strong drive to create good in the world. Emmas “if-only-this” is having a less critical inner critic.

Emma visualizes that she’s there already, having everything she ever dreamt of and having all her problems solved. The feelings that she imagines that she would get to feel at her desired outcome are freedom, creativity, connection, meaning and divine love. Instead of waiting to get to experience those feelings “over there” she creates ways in her daily life to feel them.

Freedom is created by walking outside, taking a deep breath and looking up at the sky. She feels creativity by giving space to expressing herself freely through writing, without judgement. She experiences connection every time she sits down with a colleague and engages in an interesting conversation. Meaning is felt by helping people in need in different ways. Divine love is part of her everyday through her gratitude practice and by deepening her spiritual connection.

Emma is not at her “end goal” today, but she does get to feel the way she wants to feel almost everyday. And by taking responsibility for getting to feel her core desired feelings she feels less attached to the outcome and more present in her everyday life. And, she’s also a vibrational match to more of what she longs for, because we attract what we are.

That’s it! I told you it was easy ;)

I’m currently training to be a Desire Map Facilitator with Danielle, so you’ll probably hear lots more about this from me in the not so far future. But in the meantime, take the example of Emma and try it out in your own life. It’s more powerful than you might initially think. Trust me on this.

With all my love,


ps. yes, Emma is me.