I've written about this so many times, because it used to be a big theme in my life.
I was trying so hard not to hope or wish for the best because I thought the hurt of the disappointment was too hard to bear. I would start expecting the worst, to not get hurt. I would withhold on joy out of fear of vulnerability. Not realizing I was withholding life by doing this. And without understanding that, no matter my precautions, sometimes life hurts. We can't vaccinate against it.
In the contract of life, pain is part. Our best defense is living our life where it is right now, being optimistic about the future. The worst thing that can happen is that we have been happy for no real reason. But in doing this, we prepare ourselves for pain. We don't prepare by expecting the worst or by being pessimistic about the future. That's just a recipe for draining ourselves.
Don't let hope hurt you. It's not hope that does that. It's expectations shattered. We need to expect the best. And if it doesn't happen, we need to accept what is. So do hope, do joy, do optimism. You can deal with anything and heal from whatever.
With all my love,