Only hurt people hurt people

No one being fully happy in their own self ever gets anything out of being mean to anyone else. Only hurt people do that. And not because it’s the smartest thing to do but rather because pain is scary. So we try to pass it on to someone else to not have to bear it. Not realizing it doesn’t help, and usually just feed the pain even more because hurting others is not pleasant for either party.

I’ve written about this so many times before but I only just realized that this of course goes for ourselves too. The hurt parts of you can hurt you. If you have an inner critic that is super loud, consider how it might be hurting. How could you love that part of yourself even more? How can you show understanding to its inability to do better?

I’m just on a new round of self-love discoveries, coming back to the same lessons I’ve learnt before but from a different perspective, another level, a new angle. And this is what I’ve come up with so far. Love everything. Welcome everything. That’s the only thing that works because what you resist persists so you keep the spiral going. Be with you, lovingly, however you show up today.

With all my love,

Helena

Know yourself and love what you know

This life journey is a constant course in self-awareness and self-knowledge. Once we think we have ourselves figured out something new happens and we get totally surprised by what we find out. (When I say we, I mean me. I can’t know for sure that this is true for anyone else but I have a hunch I’m not alone in this.)

There’s this Swedish poem by Tomas Tranströmer that I love, translated here:

Romanesque Arches 

Tourists have crowded into the half-dark of the enormous
Romanesque church.
Vault opening behind vault and no perspective.
A few candle flames flickered.
An angel with no face embraced me
and his whisper went all through my body:
"Don't be ashamed to be a human being, be proud!
Inside you one vault after another opens endlessly.
You'll never be complete, and that's as it should be."
Tears blinded me
as we were herded out into the fiercely sunlit piazza,
together with Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Herr Tanaka and Signora Sabatini;
within each of them vault after vault opened endlessly.

It’s about the fact that we’re never done and that we are ultimately, as all of life is, a mystery to ourselves. “You’ll never be complete, and that’s as it should be.”

To me it also speaks to the importance of never assuming we know anyone else fully either, because how could we if we don’t even know ourselves. Curiosity towards ourselves and others is key, as we discover vault after vault. And compassion for whatever we may find.

Ultimately, maybe that’s what self-love is all about. Being open and curious about the things we not yet know and compassionate and loving towards what we find on our way.

What do you think?

With all my love,

Helena

Choose your thoughts

Have you ever been to one of those sushi restaurants where the plates with sushi circle around and you pick the ones you like as they pass you by? I think that’s a great metaphor for our thoughts and the ability to choose the ones we like.

We are not our thoughts. We have thoughts. We don’t have to believe in our thoughts. We can observe them without being absorbed by them.

As we learn to witness our obsessive thinking, by meditation or other practices like it, we realize that we can choose which ones to hold on to or follow. Think of the sushi restaurant, letting the yucky sushis pass you by and only picking up the ones you really like.

Yet, most people keep picking the sushi they really don’t like = the thoughts they don’t like. Most of the time, not even realizing they have a choice. If this is you, I’m here to tell you, you have a choice. Create a daily practice of observing your thoughts and you’ll soon discover the miracle of choice of thought.

With all my love,

Helena

Comparison kills creativity

I’ve been questioning myself a lot lately and letting comparison take too big a part in my life. I know it’s a viscous cycle because when I compare I don’t create and when I don’t create I question everything.

Creativity is life force. Creativity brings visions into reality. Creativity is an expression of who we are.

When I don’t create myself I have so much more time to look around at what everyone else is doing and feel less than. When I create I use other people’s creation as fuel for my own.

As humans we’re creative beings. It doesn’t have to look like painting or writing or musical expression. It can look like so much more:

Creating the life that we want to lead, we do that constantly, whether consciously or unconsciously. Creating and developing relationships. Creating a home that we feel good in. Creating a career that fulfills us. Creating food that will nourish us. Creating photos to remember the magical moments by. Creating exercise that makes our bodies happy. Creating a plan for the weekend that feels light and fun. Creating a text to a loved one. It’s all creativity. We’re constantly creating.

You do you. And I’ll do me. And let’s remember that our unique expression is ours to use however we wish to. And if comparison sneaks in, just remember, that there is no competition unless we choose to create it. And if we do believe that we’re here to create our own life purpose, use others to be inspired and yourself to create whatever your heart desires.

Note to self.

With all my love,

Helena

The boundaries to responsibility

Most things I do in my business is about taking full responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions and by doing this realizing the power we have to create the life we want - Pure Personal Power.

I see a lot of people not willing or able to take full responsibility for their life and happiness and therefore getting trapped in victim mode not finding their way out. I want to inspire these people by showing there’s another way.

I also see a lot of people being too prone to responsibility and therefore claiming it for things that are way out of their own scope. Like how other people decide to live their lives. Or the choices made by their family member or friend or politician on TV… I want to inspire these people to set clear boundaries for themselves.

When we step into our power by taking full responsilbity for our own thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions, we also need to learn how to set boundaries and not take responsibility for other adults’ thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. Because, that’s not our business.

When people do bad things, we can show up to support them in making a better decision for the future but we can’t take responsibility for what they did. When someones repetitive bad choices has led them down a path that they don’t want to be on but don’t want to take the consequences, we can show them love and compassion but not take on what is theirs to deal with.

We are somewhat responsible for each other, because kindness is everything. But we are not responsible for other peoples choices and here’s where boundaries are kind.

Learn to see the difference between what’s on your side of the table and what’s not. Take full responsibility for your shit and let others take their. I love how Danielle Laporte puts it: Soft heart, big, fucking fence.

With all my love,

Helena

Three lessons from 2018

So a new year is here and if feels as if the world is slowly getting back into rhythm. But, also easing into it, there’s no rush really. Time is only a concept we’ve made up anyway.

I love these slow days of reflection that the shift from one year to another brings. I’ve spent a lot of time in nature, off social media, with my loved ones and alone. New Years Eve was spent building a fire by the ocean followed by bubbles and crazy dancing all night. Balance is everything.

I normally do vision boards and work through my core desire feelings for the year right away but I’ve noticed myself wanting to linger a bit longer in the reflection and introspection. I want to make sure I really learn the lessons last year brought me so I don’t have to do them again this year. Do you do that? Summarize your year in lessons? I believe our life is our classroom and we only get to graduate from one thing once we’ve learned the lesson. So here goes, three lessons from 2018.

LESSON #1: SELF-LOVE IS AN ONGOING JOURNEY

I used to think that loving yourself is something you learn and they you stay in love with yourself for the rest of your life. Like there was an end destination to self-love and that I’d mastered it when I turned my life around in 2012. Maybe we cultivate a deep respect and some sort of acceptance of ourselves over time but the relationship sure shifts and changes, as any relationship does. I can be a really shitty friend to myself sometimes, questioning if I even like myself at all. And that’s okay. As soon as I become aware of it I notice myself softening a little bit, cutting myself some slack.

Body-love is the same thing. I’ve struggled with the way my body looks for as long as I can remember. But from being sick a lot when I was younger I’ve grown to deeply appreciate my body for its function and the great tool that it is for me to be able to experience what I want in this lifetime. In 2018 I dove into #healthateverysize, #bodypositivity and learned more about the fat phobia in our society and how that leads to everything but health for so many of us. But this too, of course, is a shifting and evolving issue. I accept that and love my body as best I can.

Some of the tools that I used a lot with myself last year and that really helped was actively turning up the volume of my inner best friend (listen to the episode From the Heart: Inner Critic part 1 from July 20th), learning self-soothing (placing my hands on my heart in an emotional storm and letting myself know I will be okay), going on dates with me (taking care of, hanging out with myself and treating myself to things that I love) and practicing the 24-hour rule (letting emotions move through me without making any big decisions for 24 hours).

I can talk about this forever and probably will more this year, as what I’m learning is integrating more and more. But for now, I’m grateful for learning that pressuring myself into loving myself fully everyday isn’t really love at all.

LESSON #2: ALIGNMENT TRUMPS HUSTLE EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK

I started last year with a lot of focus on Law of Attraction and took a course with one of my main mentors, Jess Lively called Flow with intention. According to the law of attraction you attract what you’re a vibrational match for, whether you’re aware of it or not. Like when you wake up in a bad mood and then watch your whole day spiral downward from the bus driver being unfriendly to you tripping and breaking something, getting into a fight with your loved one and sending that nasty email to the wrong person. When other days you wake up in full alignment and the whole world is shiny roses and you love everyone and everything and they love you right back.

In flow with intention we learned to take responsibility for our own alignment and never acting until we are a vibrational match to what we want to attract into our lives. (Which in practice means, some days not doing much at all) As I started putting this into practice early in the year I witnessed so many things just falling into place. I got a new great HR consultancy gig that lasted through the year, so many new clients showed up out of nowhere, I got invited to several amazing trips and had hundreds of synchronicities (I don’t believe in coincidences) where I bumped into the right person and the right time, got signs from everywhere and experienced the longest stretches of pure bliss I’ve ever had. Meanwhile, I was working, stressing and hustling much less.

In the beginning of the summer I also got introduced to feminine leadership in a serious way through Nordic Womens Gathering. Feminine leadership is all about pleasure, intuition and staying in our bodies. When we lead from this place we have access to so much power that it will change the world.

My “good girl” is definitely still a part of my life and my hustling mentality still lingers but as I gather more and more proof of alignment and pleasure actually being so much more effective (when efficiency is even relevant) this is also toning down. Thank you 2018 for bringing me so much joy and gratitude through alignment and pleasure. I will forever bow to you for that.

LESSON #3: ONLY NOW IS REAL

Oh, well, I knew this, before and I still forget it a lot. I think this is another of these lessons that keeps growing on us as we dive deeper and deeper into it. As I’ve freed up so much time in my life since being my own boss I’ve reflected a lot on the concept of time. What it is and how we relate to it. And the funny thing is, the more I dig into it the less interested I become. Who cares about time? All we have is this moment. And this. And this.

I spent a big chunk of 2018 stressing over time. Over the fact that I’m getting older and still haven’t settled down and starting a family. I was fixating on a number for years and as it was approaching it I noticed myself getting more and more stressed and sad. Not living in the present at all. Missing a lot of magical moments because I was worrying about the future.

Eventually I had enough, and allowed myself to let go of the concept of time and just be in the moment of what was unfolding right now. And it was of course beautiful, as most moments are. My life quality returned as I did this. As corny as it sounds but a smell of a flower only exists in the now, a warm hug can only be felt when it happens, the sun on your face is only real as you feel it.

Thank you 2018 for teaching me that I can’t control time, I can only enjoy it, and if I don’t it will have slipped away forever. After all, a life is nothing but a long string of moments put together. All I can control is what I do with this one and practice trust when it comes to all the others ones.

As I write this I’m being filled up with gratitude for life once again. Isn't it just fascinating, that we get to be here and do this and learn so much along the way. And know, forever, there’s so much more to unfold.

What where the biggest aha’s for you in 2018? What lessons where brought to you and what did you make of them moving into 2019?

With all my love,

Helena

'Tis the season to be jolly

Christmas time can be a wonderful time of love, fun parties, cozy get-togethers with friends and family, gift-giving and a generally happy spirit. Or it can be a stressful period of feeling not enough, lonely or just plain bad. I just want to get it out there; both is totally fine.

I’m not trying to put a damper on anyone feeling extra joyful this time of year. But I neither want to encourage any guilt for anyone who’s feeling anything but joyful.

For me personally, Christmas usually brings out some sadness. For many various reasons. And that’s okay. I feel the cozy, the love and the gratitude too. Both and much much more.

Whatever you’re feeling, you’re not alone.

With all my love,

Helena

The teacher is only one step ahead

We love gurus. We love perceiving people as perfect, as having everything figured out, as being there. There where we all wish to be. And we think that if we just follow them, do what they do, copy them, then we’ll also be there. Sorry to break it to you, but there are no such people. We’re all both students and teachers at the same time. We all stumble and fall sometimes. We all make mistakes. We all fail. We all fall to our knees when the punches are too hard.

The teacher is only one step ahead. In other areas the teacher is the student. So look to other people for advice and inspiration and tools, but remember, that the greatest teacher you’ll ever have lives within.

No one else lives your life. No one else knows what you need. No one else is you. You do you. And right now, you are exactly where you need to be. Tomorrow you will be somewhere else.

With all my love,

Helena